Dammit I am not in love with you!!!!

Douche Hippy invades my bedroom

I was in the middle of the most wonderful dream where Alex took me on our first date to the Guggenheim Museum and I was talking to Richard Attenborough about his work on dinosaurs. Yeah I know what you're thinking -that I have weird tastes. And you might be right too. Mr Attenborough was taking me through his experiences and research. It was wonderful. And then it was all ruined because of someone rudely shaking me awake.

I blearily opened my eyes to stare at the visage of a tanned face covered with atleast 6 months worth of beard and straggly hair. I didn't know who the man was and what he was doing in my bedroom but he was smiling. And that creeped me out. So I did the best possible thing. I screamed bloody murder.

"Goddamit Livvy what was that for?" Wait a second I knew that voice. Only one person could sound like that. Yeah my douche bag of a hippy cousin. LEVISON also known as Levi.

"Levi is that you?"

"Of course its me. What the hell was that scream for?"

"Well I thought you were a creep who came to rape me so I screamed. By the way have you seen the mirror yet? You would scream too!"

"Seriously who else could come here to wake you up at 3 in the morning."

"YOU WOKE ME UP AT THREE IN THE BLOODY MORNING?"

"Would you stop with the bloody screaming? And yes I did wake you up at three in the bloody morning. And before you ask why I'll tell you. I did it because I can and also I love irritating you."

"After three years in Africa you'd think you would have grown up but you had to proove everyone wrong. When did you come back?"

"This morning but my luggage was lost so it took me some time." Yeah and he looked tired. First the long flight and then losing your luggage. Must have been exhausting. "Whats this I hear about you having two boyfriends?"

"What?" My brain was not in full working order because of having my sleep disturbed so it took me sometime to process what he just said. And when I did I was pissed. "Who said I have two boyfriends?"

"Well its all over the news. Frankly I am surprised that you have one boyfriend."

"Shit shit shit! Let me guess there is more to this. Coz there is no way they wouldn't have blown everything way out of proportion."

"Okay I also heard that Ronald confessed to having an affair with you in front of the whole church and one of your boyfriends who punched him in the face and then dragged your crying and apologizing self out the church. And also that you blew your family's squeeky clean image to outerspace when you gatecrashed a press conference at your mother's estate."

Okay then I told him everything with the exception of my deal with Alex. And yeah he knew the background to my relationship with my family. So I guess it wasn't as surprising to him.

"So you mean tell me that Uncle Blaine suggested an actual dating competition as a solution. Like compete for the girl's hand in dating hunger game kind of thing. Is he writing the script for some medieval themed show or was he on crack?"

"It could be either of those things. But I think Ronald took it seriously enough. And Alex is really not worried. Like he's chilled out. The only one worried is me. How am I supposed to deal with all this drama?"

"What the fuck is wrong with that Ronald? I thought he was too much of a sissy to even think about other girls. And now he grew a pair of brass balls and broke off his engagement to Felicity and wants to marry you? What the hell happened since I went away?"

"I have no bloody idea. No one does actually. And my mother is into something with the Dwights because she allowed me to date him too. And also Felicity had a meltdown in the press conference."

"Why didn't you start with that? What happened? "

"Why don't you see for yourself. Its all over Youtube. Apparently she's been put on house arrest by mom after the meltdown."

"It was that bad? What did she do?"

"I will summarize and say that she basically tackled him like a linebacker and beat the shit outta Ronald."

"Damn I should have been there. Guess I have a lot to catch up on. But I came to give you some good news." So he clearly didn't wake me up to catch up with me. Good to know that."I am shifting to New York."

"What? But what about Africa and all your hard work there?"

"Actually that was an extended internship. I managed to get a position on the team of the Dr Walters. He is the leading name in thoracic surgery. I couldn't say no."

"You are not shifting in with me. I don't have space in my dorm room."

"Wow no congratulations. And I am not shifting in with you. I'll be moving in with my girlfriend."

"What girlfriend?" Yeah like any girl would fall for this douchebag.

"Don't give me that look. I am not making this up. I do have a girlfriend and you can meet her in New York."

"Whats her name then? And show me her picture. There is no way you can't have her picture on your phone."

"Well her name is Sophia Chang. And here's her picture." He showed me the picture of him kissing a beautiful Asian girl. Guess he wasn't kidding when he said that he had a girlfriend.

"So there are women in this world willing to tolerate your hippy douche ass."

"Hardy har har. I am so amused. Like you are one to talk. I bet your boyfriend has to deal with your ball breaker self on a regular basis and must be cursing his luck."

And thats how we returned to our age old sibling rivalry. Full of petty insults and name calling.