Dammit I am not in love with you!!!!

Scream Queens and Fainting Fathers

I guess Alex's punch had more power than Felicity's because Ronald went down like a sack of potatoes with one hit. And his nose was bleeding (actually gushing is more like it) another gallon of blood. As soon as he hit the floor, there were three piercingly ugly sounds heard and two people fainted.

Okay I know it sounds confusing but it was hilarious to watch and was an Emmy worthy moment judging by my father's laughter. I guess he pretty much has a new script ready for an award winning show after this mess of a wedding. Oh yeah in case you didn't know my father is an Emmy nominated and Award winning writer for more than 12 television and netflix series. What can I say he has a vivid imagination and experiences of his own to draw inspiration from. I mean he makes Hank Moody and Charlie Sheen look tame.

But coming back to the original plotline. As soon as Ronald hit the floor, there were three separate screams. Yeah and none were from me. One was Mrs Dwight and it sounded like Exorcism of Emily Rose was happening in this very Church. The other two belonged to my mother and my sister. My mother's scream was not a scream per se-it was more like a frustrated Headmistress shouting at naughty kids. And my sister's scream sounded like a bunch of hyenas dying.

Then there was the fainting duo. Honestly at this point, everything was so surreal that I felt like I was starring in some stupid TV drama written by my dad. And the fainting was so on point and well coordinated that it felt rehearsed. The fainting duo were none other than our beloved Pastor Father Johnson and the Father of the Groom Mr Dwight. Father Johnson had just gained consciousness when I was being thoroughly kissed by Alex and I am pretty sure it was good enough to shock him into another fainting spell. But watching Ronald get punched did him in since he hates violence and well he has a soft spot for Ronald (god knows why?). Mr Dwight fainted from shock I guess. All in all three screams and three people fainting is a good day's work I guess.

But that wasn't enough for this mess of a wedding. Because now we had a hysterical bride and mother engaged in flooding the church with tears over a knocked out Ronald and an enraged mother of the Bride engaged in a mindblowingly annoying rant over the lack of sensible choices I have made all my life. And then there was my father who thought this moment was appropriate for selfie sessions and getting drunk while laughing his ass off. And all the while me and Alex were stuck in the middle of this cacophony of noises. And no one thought to call an ambulance. I mean why act like adult human beings when you can act like flamingoes and pelicans.

I could barely hear myself think over hysterical wailings, rumbling laughter and Queen Beyotch ranting. So when, Alex whispered in my ear I just absently nodded. And the next thing I know we were running away from my sister's wedding with my mom threatening to disown me and my father reassuring me that I have a place with him and shouting "Run away baby girl! Run away if you want to survive!" I just hope my dad doesn't burst into a song.

Thankfully Alex's bike was parked close by. But my ugly dress was causing problems. It was tight and not suitable for a ride on a bike. But Alex had a convenient solution for that too. He tore the bottom half of my dress with his bare hands. Ordinarily, I would have found it scandalous but after today's events I was honestly relieved. I climbed on the back of his Harley and we zipped off to an unknown destination to get away from my crazy family and the media horde fighting to get to us.

After 45 minutes of enjoying a peaceful and lovely ride on his Harley, we finally reached our destination. It was an elegant Spanish style villa surrounded by lush greenery on the outskirts of the city. It was beautiful and something out of a Beautiful Homes magazine.

"Whose house is this?"

"It belonged to my Grandparents. But after Grammie's death I inherited it as a part of her will and it has been my home ever since."

"You brought me to your house? Why?"

"Well this is the only place where the media's hound won't be able to track us because this house is still under my Grandfather's name. Plus I thought you would want to relax after the day you have had."

"Thanks for rescuing me from that madhouse."

"Yeah yeah now would you care to explain what just happened there and why I had to punch your sister's fiancé?"

"Sure but I need a drink. Do you have something strong? Because trust me with the day I have had I need some liquid courage to recount the whole experience."

"Sure do. Does scotch work for you? Or would you like whiskey or vodka?"

"Vodka please. Bring one for yourself too. Its a long story."