Blue Neighbourhood {the story of Troye Sivan}

16 ~ it's all okay

I wake up feeling really rested and peaceful, but then I look to my right and I remember the night before and I want to crawl into a hole and never come out, I feel so ashamed. I don't even remember what happened after we kissed, we must've fallen right asleep. I try to think of an apology but when Connor wakes up unexpectedly, I decide to wing it (A/N; Troye's specialty)

"I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and lonely and you were there for me and I took advantage of your kindness. You probably have a boyfriend anyways and I shouldn't have done that when all you were trying to do was be kind and I'm just really sorry and I hope we can just forget about it." I ramble nervously. He giggles and says "Goodmorning to you too Troye" and kisses me on the cheek. "Chill out, I liked it. It's no big deal. And if you don't mind, I really want to take a shower now." he says as he walks away. "Oh and one thing" he says turning around at the last second "I don't have a boyfriend" and he winks at me.

I look like a tomato right now. What is happening to me? I thought I was sad over Adam? I guess no one can resist the absolute god that is Connor Joel Franta.

~

After we had breakfast with Dan and Phil I return to our/Dan's room to get ready for the day. Suddenly Connor comes in. "Tro can I talk to you for a second?" "Yeah go ahead" I respond.

"Well... I felt like I was a little unclear just now. I mean I didn't mind the kiss, but it was not just that; I wanted more. I really like you Troye. I have been watching your videos for a while and in real life you are just as adorable and funny if not even more. I like you and I think it would be a pity to leave it at just one kiss."

Wow. Did Connor Joel Franta just confess his love for me or am I still asleep?

"Connor... I don't know what to say, this is just a little overwhelming for me you know. Do you mind if I come back to you on this one? Like, tonight? I just need some space" I say hesitantly. All I want to do is grab him and kiss him but that doesn't seem like the right choice. He nods even though that was probably not the answer he wanted and leaves the room.

~

We spent the day in London and I had a lot of fun hanging out with Dan and Phil but I was (and still am) kind of avoiding Connor a little. I feel kinda bad for him but it's for the best. When we returned we watched a film and ate pizza. Dan and Phil sat together basically on top of eachother and Connor and I on the other ends of the couch. It took all of my will power not to go over to him and cuddle. At around 11 pm we all head to bed since we'd had a long day. The inevitable is coming.

"So," Connor says as he follows me into the room "break loose." And I do. "I can't do this right now, I'm not ready. I really really like you so it sucks but it would be unfair to you if we continued this. I recently lost someone for the second time who has always meant the world to me and coming here was basically for me to try and deal with that. I'm not ready right now but in time I will be. I don't expect you to wait for me though, I'm not that special anyways."

After thinking for a while Connor finally responds. "It's okay Troye, really, I get it. When you were crying last night I knew something was wrong and it was not the best time for me this morning to suddenly tell you this and I'm sorry for that. You need time and I'll give you all the time you need because to be honest Troye, you are worth it so much more than you think."

there is no upper hand I'm giving you mine,
it doesn't have to end up wasting your time
there's things that I could say,
but here in my way, I wanna let you know that it's all okay

A/N; I really hope most of you know what the last bit was but if you don't;
it's a tiny tiny song from Victorious (Nickelodeon show) and that show was my shit and while writing this chapter I thought of that and I thought why not put it in so here it is lol. I'm not sure if it really fits here but idc either way tbh

soo what do you think of this chapter? let me knoww