R.I.P.

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What is life?
When in all the years of my life
I've attended more funerals
Then weddings
Or births

What's is life?
When your bestfriend
Can no longer lay by your side
When your bestfriends heart
Is no longer beating
No blood
Coursing through her veins

Just dirt covering her
While she lays
six feet under
Am i breaking?

What is life?
When your godfather
Becomes your diary
And before your eyes
Is snatched away

With no time to recuperate
Your papa
Takes his last breath
He's gone
Just. Crept. Away. While. Asleep.

What is life?
I fear she's next
I'm clutching on to her
She's been hospitalized
And then there are these tears
That keep dripping
Just pouring from my face

Kidney failure
Heart failure
This is surreal
Unbelievable

They're dropping
Like flies around me
I feel barried
And feels as if
They're throwing
Dead bodies on top of me

Tortured by the faces
That I once
No still love
I began to envision them
In caskets

Arms folded
Perfectly around
The placed rose flowers
Dressed in all white

Ready for the homecoming
Am I ready to let go?
Scared is an understatement
This year seems to be
A terrible dream

I awake the past two days
Gasping for air
Clutching my chest
The dreams
Knocking the wind
Right up out of me

So many words
Unsaid
Conversations
Not had
Hugs
Not given
Loves
Not written

God has called them home
I wasn't prepared
To say goodbye
Wasn't prepared
To reminisce
On our last times

Distraught isn't the word
I'm hurt
Grandma your all I have left
Please don't say goodbye

Please don't make me cry
Please don't die
I know it's selfish to ask
But I couldn't handle it
I'm falling apart
Thinking about it

The thought of
Having to hold
Another obituary
Up in my hands
Hurts like hell

I already have three
Pent up on my wall
Hanging
With pictures
Hanging
Because they're
My last memories

I'm learning to not get attached
Teaching myself
To deal with life
With two Thick. Brick. Walls.
Betwwen us
& not to mention my hands up

Because
I don't think
I could take
One more death
I'd break

Cracking in two
Like bones being broken
That's my heart in two
What is life?
What. Is. Life?

From the looks of it
Heartache
Love
Then death
R.I.P.
My loves
I'll see you in the next life

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