Chim - Lights Out

Chapter 41

Chapter Forty-One

So here I was, walking towards the head’s office bit, towards Kimberley. Not really knowing if it was a good idea or not, but I couldn’t lye in bed thinking about it again, I was sure my head would literally explode. Every step I took nearer to the ‘out for the night’ dorm my heart started to pound a bit more, I had no idea what I was thinking of saying to her, I just hoped it would come naturally when I saw her, but this had to be settled one way or another, things couldn’t go on like this.

As quietly as I could possibly managed, I snuck past the head’s office door, knowing her room was to behind that door, I carried on silently towards the end of the small corridor where the ‘night’s out’ room was, the room where I had spent a happy nights texting her. This is why something had to be done , I couldn’t do anything without thinking of her, she was never going to be out of my head if I didn’t do something.

So here I was facing the door that kept her from me, that’s all she was a door widths away and I think it was nearly the closest we’d been all week, either one of us would always make an excuse to move away from the other out of pure awkwardness.  I didn’t know how to let her know I was here, I had left my phone in my room so I couldn’t text her and I didn’t want to risk walking out again, so I settled for knocking quietly and opening the door slowly, whispering her name and not wanting to alarm her.

“Cheryl?” She whispered out of the dimly lit room, where I opened the door to find her sat up in bed, tear stains down her face, she had obviously been crying, I closed the door as quietly as I could behind me, not really knowing if I wanted to turn around to face her, the words that I had hoped would come didn’t seem to be flowing at the moment.

“What are you doing here?” She sniffed, trying to wipe her eyes to remove the evidence of tears and make up.

“I came because we need to sort this,” I said quietly. “What happened with you today Kim?” I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know,” she said meekly.

“This isn’t you Kim, this isn’t who you are,” I said, starting to pace the room. “I just don’t understand,” I said, halting at the foot of her bed.

“You don’t understand?”She repeated. “This is because of you Cheryl,” she said, starting to cry again, she tried in vain to stop the tears flowing to get out the rest of her speech, “I loved you Cheryl, you were everything to me and-and you dumped me, just out of the blue, how do you think that made me feel Cheryl?” She asked, crying again, a sight I was seeing to much these days.

“I didn’t do it because I didn’t love you Kim. I loved you, no wait, i do love you and the way I’m feeling now, I probably will always love you,” I said, feeling myself getting slightly hysterical.

“Then why did you do it?” She shrieked, “I at least have a right to know that Cheryl,”

“Kimberley, look at me. We’re different me and you, you, you’re perfect, you’re head girl, top of the class, clever, funny, beautiful, well mannered I could go on, then look at me, I’m a commoner northerner from Newcastle, I swear like a trooper, the only thing I’m good at is dance, ninety nine percent of the time I’m moaning, I’m just not good enough for you Kim, you don’t deserve to be brought down because of me,” I broke down in tears, holding my head in my hands.  “And then because of me bringing you down, I get sh!t from teachers,” I wailed.

I looked up to her, her mind must of been swimming with everything I’ve just said, it seemed like a life time until she said, “don’t say that about yourself Cheryl. It’s not true,”

“But it is you see, we’re different me and you, I -,” I stopped myself.

“ What Cheryl say it, tell me,” She said softly.

“I don’t want you to blame me if you realise that you’ve messed up anytime,” I said, trying to wipe my tears away.

“Cheryl, will you sit down?” She asked, patting the space next to her, I did as she asked and she began to wipe my tears for me.

“Cheryl, you made me the happiest I’ve ever been and no matter what I did here, even if it was bad, it wouldn’t matter, because you would always be better then that, I’d never regret a single thing to do with you,” she said softly, smiling slightly, something I hadn’t seen for ages.

“It’s nice to see you smile,” I said, unable to resist the temptation to smile to.

“It feels nice to smile,” she replied.

“Why did you do it Kimba?” I asked, not knowing if it was to risky or not to ask.

“Do what?” She asked, acting as if she didn’t know.

“You know what,” I pressed.

She didn’t say anything for a bit, “I don’t know, you didn’t want me anymore, he seemed like he was the only one who did,” she said, the smile fading and the tears falling again.

“That’s not and wasn’t true,” I said, rubbing her arm and in the moment she looked up straight into my eyes, I hadn’t looked at her like that in what seemed a lifetime and I did the thing that I was so used to doing after looking at her like that. I leaned in and kissed her. She leaned in and kissed me and finally something felt right. This felt natural, this felt normal, I needed her and I think she needed me to.  She slowly peeled off my clothes one by one, starting with my hoody and removing my bottoms last, I started to shiver slightly and she pulled me under the covers whilst I removed her clothing. With our near naked bodies so close together , I had all the warmth I needed. We continued to touch and kiss for as long as we wanted, time didn’t matter, but when I felt her hand covering mine and moving it downwards towards her underwear, I obliged, but I made sure to whisper, “I’ll treat you like he never could.”

“You already have,” she whispered back, gasping as I slowly began to slip inside her, doing what I had missed for so long.

********************************************************************************

We lay there, both breathless, tangled in each others arms. It was so comforting just to have her next to me, just to hear her breathing, I turned to face her, to give her a kiss on the cheek, when I noticed a tear roll down her face.

“Kim baby,” I whispered wiping away the tear, “What’s wrong, have I done something?”

She shook her head, “no, I just don’t want you to regret this,” she said as another tear made its way down her face.

“Kim babe,” I said softly, sitting up next to her and reaching for her hand. “I don’t regret this at all, I can’t regret anything to do with you,”

She sat up next  to me and looked me in the eye, “because Cheryl, I can’t go through you blowing me off again after this, I just can’t,” she wailed, sinking into me.

“Kim shhh,” I whispered, kissing the top of her forehead as she lay on my shoulder. “I don’t know how to prove this to you and I know we still have talking to do, but I can’t cope without you, I need you, this week has been the worst of my life, because you haven’t been in it! Like I said before, you’re the most perfect thing I’ve ever done,” I said softly, trying desperately to reassure her.

“Literally,” she giggled quietly.

“Literally,” I repeated, giggling to, laying myself down and pulling her gently down on top of me, just in the right position so I could take in the sweet scent of her hair. “I’m sorry I let you down Kim, I do want to talk to you more tomorrow,” I whispered, stroking her arms.

“Shh, let’s just talk tomorrow, it just feels good to be back like this,” she replied.

“I know,” I smiled. “I’m going to get the best night’s sleep of the week,”

“I love you Cheryl,” she whispered, almost out of the blue. “I never want to lose you again,”

“I love you too,” I said, trying to hold back the tears, “I’m not letting either one of us lose each other ever again, I promise,”

“double promise?” she whispered, smiling slightly.

“Triple promise,” I smiled, kissing her forhead.

I knew we had a chat to come tomorrow, but I had never felt so complete in a long time, she was what I wanted, who I needed and I loved her so much and I knew whatever was to come our way, we  could now hopefully get through it, although I know I had made her doubt me, I hoped I could reassure her of how much I loved her.