Chim - Lights Out

Chapter 40

Chapter Fourty

I couldn’t sleep, not just because of the tears that were pouring down my face, but just because I needed to know that she was safe.  It had been about two hours since I’d got back, and the my tears were still pouring as much as they were when I left, I’m surprised I hadn’t dried up by now.

She had every right to do that. I ended it, not her. But it hurt so much to know that his hands were where my hands were, not long ago. His lips where my lips should be, his eyes looking in to her’s, the list goes on. Everything about him and her was just wrong, and she knew it, I just made her feel so unloved and hurt that this was the way to get that back that affection she craved. It should of been me giving her that affection though, not him. I knew I had done this for the right reasons, but right now it didn’t feel like it atall, what if he hurt her again? It would be my fault but even worse , I wouldn’t be around to pick up the pieces, how could she ever let me in again.

I shut my eyes tight as I heard the door open, knowing as soon as she walked in that it was her. She was crying quietly, and she got louder as she walked in to the bathroom and shut the door. All I wanted to do was get up and hug her, I really nearly did, but I was the last person she wanted to see right now, I had caused this, she didn’t need me in her face reminding her of that fact. I closed my eyes again, squinting slightly as she came out the bathroom, just so I could see what she was doing. She had taken off all her make up and had her pyjamas on, but she still looked as beautiful as ever, I heard her bed squeak and I could just make out her getting into it, we were so close yet so far.

I lay there, now being able to relax slightly because she was back in the room, but I knew I wouldn’t get much sleep again tonight, but she whispered something even though she thought I was asleep, something which made the tears pour silently out of my eyes once again,

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed in to the darkness.

That was it, she’d done it, I was wide awake, but couldn’t bring myself to say anything to her, I didn’t blame her, but what was I meant to say after I knew she had been with him like that, it made me feel sick and I couldn’t sleep thinking about it for the whole night.

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 “Soo, Kimbo, I haven’t had a straight answer from you all weekend, did you or didn’t you?” Sarah raised her eyebrows up and down in a comical way as we sat down to Monday lunch.

“Yeah come on Kimberley, we won’t judge you, even if he’s a prick. We did agree that maybe you are meant to be together,” Nadine assured her, causing me to swallow a big lump in my throat.

Kimberley remained silent, playing with the salad that was on her plate, I wouldn’t of known she was listening if she hadn’t of spoke up, “I told you all, I’m not going into it,”

“Awww come on,” Nicola whined. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me,”

“I bet you would you dirty whore,” Sarah cackled,

“Oi,” Nicola shrieked.

“What!? You said it?” Sarah shot back still laughing.

“Ladies, we’re going off the subject,” Nadine reminded everyone whilst me and Kim stayed equally silent. “Did you or didn’t you?” she asked again.

“I’m not having this conversation,” Kimberley said quietly.

“Oh come on babe, we won’t do anything. You want to know don’t you Cheryl?” Nadine asked, making every ones heads turn to face me, I even saw Kim look up for a second.

I swallowed the lump in my throat again and tried to blink rapidly to shut out the tears before answering, “yeah, I want to know,” in a way that the other girls wouldn’t understand, but I knew she would.  Kimberley glanced up for a second, with a sad look on her face.

“I-,” she stuttered, before the bell rang.

“Oh forget it,” moaned Sarah, “we’ll be here all day otherwise and we have a lesson Kimbo,” Kimberley looked relieved to be let off the hood, well relieved until Sarah said, “But don’t think you’re getting away with it I want to know. You can cheer up now miss grumpy,”
“Not likely,” snapped Kim, it was just not her. Sarah and Kimberley said their goodbyes to us, and went off in the direction of their lesson, whilst I walked back to the common room to change before dance with Nicola and Nadine.

“I just do not understand what’s going on with that girl recently,” Nadine shrieked to both me and Nicola. “I mean it’s not just me is it? She has been acting really strange?”

“Really strange,” Nicola agreed, prompting me to answer to, “Yeah she has,” I muttered, wanting to leave the conversation as soon as possible.

“I mean I don’t know what it is, she was grumpy the week before the party, but now it’s even worse. I’m sorry but when she came down to breakfast this morning, she looked like she’d had no sleep and had been crying a whole lot, her eyes were really puffy,”

“I did notice that, just don’t want to say anything do you,” Nicola said, as we walked towards the common room.

“I’m telling you,s something’s up, and I’m going to find out what’s going on. But Cheryl, we’ll see you laters, have fun in dance,” Nadine said, waving me off as I went towards my dorm, grateful to get out of the conversation, I quickened my pace to our end dorm door, feeling the need to cry heavily.

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“Miss Tweedy stay behind please,” my dance teacher called. What now. I know I hadn’t had a great lesson, but my mind was on other things, all I wanted to do was crawl up onto my bed and cry, plus I was having bad nights sleeping.

I approached her with some apprehension, she was the only teacher I really liked and I didn’t want to let her down, but she wouldn’t understand, “Look miss I know today I was crap,” I said truthfully.

“Honestly Tweedy? It was. I’m just worried, I know you can do much better then today, is there something on your mind?” She asked. 

Something on my mind? Try a mountain of things, “No miss, just a bit tired,” I faked a small yawn to which she eyed me suspiciously, but seeming satisfied she said,

“Okay, well go and get some rest, but focus Cheryl, this is your future you’re dancing for here.” I nodded and walked away, just wanting to cry again. Everything was falling apart and I felt really helpless, I prayed to god that Sarah and Kimberley wouldn’t be in the dorm, when I knew for a fact they would be, I walked in still in hope though, to be greeted by Sarah,

“Oh my god Cheryl,” she shrieked, looking worried. “Your never guess what!”

“What?” I replied, unsure of what she was going to say.

“Kimbo, head girl Kimbo, she just flipped in our English lesson. Like I had never seen her like that ever, the teacher said one pissy thing and Kimbo she just went mental, she shouted, started crying and walked out and now, now she’s out for the night. She has never been out for the night in her life,” Sarah said very quickly, obviously quite distressed.

“What so she just went mental at the teacher?” I asked, needing another run through.

“Yeah,” she replied, “Like the teacher was asking something about these characters relationship and the teacher disagreed with what Kimberley was saying, she was being a bit arsey about it I’ll give Kim that, but it’s just the way she shouted and cried, I’d never ever seen her like that. I know she’s been weird these couple of weeks, but god, I’m worried Chez.”

“I can’t even imagine her doing that,” I said, still coming to terms with what Sarah had just told me.

“I know, it’s mental, but I’m going to have dinner, need to tell the other girls, you coming?” She asked.

“No, I’m just going to have a shower and go to bed I think,” I said, not wanting much company tonight.

She left me to my own devices, in the shower  all I thought about was her, why had she done that? Had this really got so bad that Kim was now risking everything she had ever worked for in the school? Head girl being out for the night could not be good. Urghhh, why had this happened, was this my fault? Or was I vain to think this was all about me? I don’t know, but the thoughts in my head rushed around all night, even whilst I lay in bed, listening to Sarah’s soft snores, I can’t imagine how Kim was feeling now, scared and lonely was my best bet. Something had to be done about this, not really knowing if it was a good idea or not, I crept out of my bed, pulled on a hoody, with my night clothes and crept out the door, heading towards the head’s office and the dorm next door to it.