Chim - Lights Out

Chapter 37

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I frowned at him, “What do you mean?”

“I mean that ever since you arrived here, Miss Walsh’s work, behaviour and attitude have deteriated significantly.”

“So you’re telling me not to be her friend?”

“I’m not telling you to do anything, I’m just telling you facts. You care about Miss Walsh don’t you?”

“Of course,” I replied, worried about what he was saying.

“Then you want her to achieve her potential don’t you,” I nodded in agreement. “Do you think since you’ve been here she’s been achieving her potential?”

“I don’t know,” I said quietly, knowing full well the answer.

“Since you’ve been here, Miss Walsh has missed an increasing amount of lessons and coincidently the lessons she has missed have been when you Miss Tweedy have had a free, or when you have missed a lesson as well. Interesting that isn’t it?” He smirked, knowing he was having an effect on me.

“Miss Walsh has a massive potential to do well in her life, if you don’t have the same aspirations then fine, but don’t drag a student like her down. I want no one to know about this chat Miss Tweedy, I just hope you’ve taken on board what I’ve told you, now get out of this classroom. And be warned, if I hear that you have been making Miss Walsh rebel, you will be out of this school faster then your dancing feet can carry you,” he laughed wickedly.

I didn’t say anything to him, I walked out, heading towards the dance studios, everyone would be gone now, but I couldn’t go back up to the dorm, I had to think, I couldn’t be near her at the moment. I poked my head around the studio door, checking to see if it was empty, which to my appreciation it was, I walked over to the back wall mirrors and sank down, starting to cry uncontrollably, holding my head in my hands.

I knew she had been missing a few lessons here and there, behaving maybe a little bit more rebellious, but I never thought that it was my actual fault, which thinking about it now, it was. She missed lessons to be with me, she didn’t do work to be with me. I distracted her in lessons, encouraged her to behave like that maybe?  I was so in love with her, so lost in our relationship that I didn’t realise the effects it was having on everything else.  I was rough round the edges, the only thing I was really good at was dance, the teachers knew that, I knew that, but Kim, she was an all rounder, good in everything, perfect in everything. I was changing that, I was changing her, how did I let this happen.

I didn’t know what to do, stay with Kim, keep myself happy, making her get in more trouble, that would be me being selfish. Or do what’s best for her, break things off, get her concentrating on her work instead of me, breaking my heart, but doing the best for Kimberley in the long run?  If I didn’t would she blame me in the future? Would her head girl status be taken away? Making her regret things, making her parents even madder.

My head was swimming with emotions and thoughts, I loved her so much, but I knew what I had to do for her own good, even though it would kill me and maybe her for a time, but she would realise it was for the best.  I didn’t dare tell her what had happened with Mr Harvey, I didn’t want her getting worse and he would surely kick me out, then I would never be able to see my Kim ever again. We could work as friends surely? We did before? Before these feelings kicked in, I didn’t want to lose her, but I couldn’t let her waste her life on me. I was never good enough for her I knew that, we were different, from different backgrounds and with different dreams, maybe all that was catching up with us now.

It was getting dark now, I was surely missing dinner, something which I arranged with Kim to be there for, another pang of guilt went through my body, swallowing the big lump in my throat I pulled my phone out of my tracksuit pocket, 2 texts, 4 missed calls, all from her, asking where I was. I started to cry again, not wanting this feeling anymore, she wouldn’t understand why I was doing it I knew she wouldn’t, she would hate me, really hate me. But maybe if she hated me, she wouldn’t be loving me and it would be less painful for her, maybe that’s what I deserve for making this mess in the first place. Cheryl Tweedy and head girls just do not mix.

Eventually I pulled myself from the ground, making my way towards the door. I knew I had to talk to Kimberley, but I couldn’t do it tonight, we wouldn’t be alone, it sound’s cowardly, but I was just going to go up to the dorm and get into bed, pretend to be asleep when they get back. Just like when I first arrived here, when Kim had taken me completely under her wing, even though I was the biggest *Female Dog* going. That’s just who she was, completely self less and now it was my turn to be that self less.  I opened the door of the dorm, it was completely empty, I looked around remembering all the great memories I’d had in here, memories that would always mean something to me, I walked over to my bed, which was for once made. Made my Kimberley of course and I knew exactly where my pyjamas would be, under the pillow. I pulled them all, taking in the pyjamas top scent. I had inhabited one of Kimberley’s big tshirts for my pyjama tops, it still smelt of her, especially as I slept next to her every night. It was a smell that relaxed me, one that I wouldn’t be smelling for much longer, I guess my nights of good sleep were over now.