The Chronicles of High School: The Girl, The Goth, & The Drama

Chapter 15

This chapter is a real tear-jerker. (Well, it was for me, anyway.) But everything is explained with Eli, so.....eenjjoyyyyyy (: xx

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 People decide to pay attention to me, only because of my casts.

I've been telling everyone, including my mom, that I fell into my table, but only me and Eli know the real story.

He kisses me, and then shoved me into a table.

I only needed a few stitches and the rest was just bandaged up. But I look like the walking dead with it all. Darcey's stopped by every night to check in on me. I had to lie to her too, because...to be honest, I didn't want Eli to get in trouble. No matter how much I currently hate him for nearly breaking me in half, I knew it wasn't for no reason. I know his past, his life isn't the greatest, and he has some issues coping with it all. I wasn't gonna go run and get his life even deeper in shit, so I just lied to everyone. I hated lying, but...I knew I was doing the right thing, for the most part.

....I think?

I attempt to enter the combination into my locker with the free arm without bandage, when a gentle hand touches my side. I look up to see Eli with a blank expression, adverting me to the side as he opens my locker for me.

Well, isn't this just fucking awkward. What am I supposed to say, 'You threw me into a table after you kissed me yesterday?'

I thank him with a nod of my head and gather my books, not making eye contact. Maybe in time, he'd tell me....just, why he did it. Why he would hurt me like that, after all we've been through.

I notice that he continues to stand there, hands in his pockets and leaning on the lockers, staring at me intently. It's making me self conscious, I HATE when people stare at me.

"Is, there, uh...anything you, needed?" I ask, trying not to sound too awkward.

He doesn't speak a word, but his eyes advert to my bandages. His eyebrows furrow and he looks back up at me, meeting my eyes.

"You hate me."

"I don't. At least, I don't think..."

"Don't hate me."

I stare up at him, searching for an answer with his eyes. 

"Can you just tell me why?" I gain the courage to ask, "Tell me why you would do this. I finally built up all my trust in you, and...." I look down at my bandages.

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We're skipping first period.

LOL, I don't dare, I hate French.

I'm sitting in a desk, while he leans on the teacher's empty desk, still staring at me intently.

"If you're gonna talk, then talk." I demand.

No more too-nice-Autumn.

He sighs.

"I didn't mean to do, you know, what I did."

"You mean, kissing me, or shoving me into a table?" I ask flatly.

Even though, I knew I hoped he only meant the table.

He's quiet for a good minute or two, thinking hard.

'Both, I guess?"

I sink in my chair a little bit, hopefully without him noticing.

"Listen." he says. He walks over to my desk and kneels in front of it, getting really close to my face. "My life....is really fucked. And because of my fucked up life, I'm not all that normal sometimes. I have a hard time being nice to certain people and a hard time letting them get too close. Because in my mind, once your close, it's harder to say goodbye, so there's no point in it all. My dad is deep into drugs and my mom killed herself for it, and I live in a group home for delinquents because I did stupid shit after she did." He stops to take a breath. "Me and my mom got really close because we were all each other had since my dad was too busy beating the shit out of me and dealing and doing drugs. The last time I saw my mom alive, I saw her holding the pills which she intended to use to kill herself. I stopped her, and she tried to hug me, but I pushed her away and left the house. I came back...and found her dead." He stops again, making it apparent that it was hard for him to say that last sentence. "So, I got close to her, and she left me. And, now, I have nothing. So, I'm a complete douche to you sometimes because I'm afraid if I ever get too close, your just gonna leave. When we...you know...at your house, I thought back to my mom, and I kinda pushed you down at the memory of pushing my mom away. So, for that, I'm sorry. More sorry than you could ever imagine. I'm bipolar sometimes, and.....I just have nothing to look forward to in life, but you. Which is why I still need you in it. Which is why I need you to forgive me so I'll have someone." He says, looking down to signal that his story is finished.

He doesn't want me to see the tears welling up slightly in his eyes.

The story recaps in my head, it all registers finally. I break down, hysterically crying. I lunge forward and wrap my arms around his neck, soaking his shirt in tears. He isn't shocked at all, he just hugs me closer.

I say in between sobs, " I will never, EVER, leave you like that, Eli." It's all I can manage to get out as I cry.

I cried, and cried, and cried. And i'm sure I could hear him sniffling a little bit into my hair.

I will never feel sorry for myself, ever again.