The Bond That Binds Us

37: No Goodbyes

Hey everyone! Thanks for being patient with me while I was gone! School started, and it's more stressful than ever so I haven't had time to update! :) Love you all, and hope you enjoy the chapter! 

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The closer we got to the meeting spot at the Onyx Ink Forest, the more my stomach knots and my heart clenches. Next to me, Axel looks almost impassive, but the way his hands are so tight on the steering wheel that his knuckles are tight lets me know just how anxious he is.

I want to comfort him, but how could I when we both were heading towards danger and we knew it?

I want to tell him it's okay, but how can I say it when I know that it's not? One of us will be gone soon, and I'm not entirely sure the one that's left can handle that.

I want to hold him, but how could I when my own hands and body were shaking, trembling, with the fear of what was to come?

So I don't do anything. I lay back in my seat. I stare at the dashboard emptily. I bite my lip to keep from crying, or talking, or frowning.

It's dead silent, but it's deafeningly loud at the same time. The words Axel and I want to say, the reluctant goodbyes, they hang in the air. They hang so thick I can almost reach out and touch them.

I'm snapped out of my reverie when Axel murmurs something.

"What?" I ask.

"What?" He echoes, his green eyes shifting to mine for a few seconds before turning back to the road.

"You said something. What was it?"

"You weren't meant to hear it."

Was he shutting me out? Again? Really? "Axe..." I begin, my voice wavering.

As if he's read my mind, he says quietly, "I'm not shutting you out, Safira. I just... I don't want to have this conversation, okay?"

"Why not?" I prod, my hand twitching to encase his.

"Because..." He swallows hard before continuing, "it'll lead to goodbyes. And I'm not ready for that."

I shut my mouth after that, grief slipping over my heart like a thick glove.

He stays silent too, each of us lost once again in our thoughts. We're right next to each other, but right now, we're miles away.

It's like this for a while, I can't tell exactly how long, until Axel once again breaks the silence. "We're here." His voice is void of any emotion, but when I see his face, all I see is anguish.

We're here. At the doorstep of danger. At the gates of Hell. I should feel something; anger, pain, disappointment, fear... anything. But I feel nothing. I'm. Numb.

"Safira?" Axel says, his eyebrows wrinkling in concern.

"I'm okay." I answer his unasked question.

But was I really? Was I okay? Was anything okay?

Axel gets out of the truck and is at my door in a flash, pulling it open for me.

"Thanks." I mutter as I climb out of the truck.

He slips his hand into mine, and I smile at the warmth. It's nice. Especially when the rest of me feels... so hollow, so distant. He starts walking, and I follow after him, deeper and deeper into the Onyx Ink Forest. I'm not sure where we're going, but Axel knows, it seems. Everything is a blur: the time, the trees around us, the birds flying by, the animals making noises, none of it is distinguishable. None of it matters when we're walking to our doom, Axel and I, hand in hand.