A Hypocrite's Guide to Not Sounding Hypocritical

Charaters of Perfection

Does anyone else find that perfect characters that could literally be pictured as gods annoying? If so, sit down in a seat. I brought cake and punch if your throat gets dry because of all the gagging that I have no doubt that you will be doing by the time I'm finished. Anyway... I absolutely hate it when the main character is perfection itself. Like if I were to search the dictionary for the word perfect, the main character's face would be there. In the middle of the god damn page.

Male character: 6 ft. 5, glossy black hair, tight muscles that seem to burst from his shirt, perfect blueish grey eyes that stare into my soul, and above all his heart stopping gorgeous cheek bones with a chiseled chin. And. AND HE'S FREAKING SIXTEEN!

Does anything look absolutely off about that profile? Anything?

If I could highlight and put freaking neon signs around it I would. HE'S SIXTEEN with the body of a twenty- five year old MAN. How do you even get a perfect body like that without steroids of at least spending absolutely no time outside the gym? I'm sick and tired of having nothing else to read other then the story of the sexy man child. *gags*

Female character: 5 ft. 4, straight golden blonde hair, boobs and butt that are two big for her "clothes", deep blue eyes, no blemishes or birthmarks, pale skin, skinnier then a wheat thin, and she has plump pink lips that are begging to be kissed.

I wouldn't mind anything other then her chest and butt being incredibly huge. Like nobody can have those boobs without surgery or a bra that's five sizes bigger then what she has. And as for the butt, I wouldn't mind the big booty if her mom or dad had one too or any other family member that isn't below thirty years of age. So like at least make an effort in trying to describe how and why she looks the way she does.

And honestly I know I've already made a few mistakes in the past with my characters because I was... really really really new to this site and I didn't care about elaborating on them to make them seem a lot more interesting then they already were. So if any of you have been around me for more then two years now, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Male characters best male friend(s): 6 ft. 3, spiky brown hair/ short blonde hair, much less muscle then male character, eyes bland and unattractive (to some people), tan skin with freckles or pimples or nothing.

Okay. I don't like the idea of having a lesser best friend. Honestly because it sounds too much like the new DUFF movie. Just making the male character look like he cares somewhat about his colleagues and other people who care about him when he really couldn't care less about them. You know what I mean?

I would actually love to find a book where the man male character is the wimpy boy compared to his best friend who's like the hulk next to him. Actually I don't think I would. It sounds too much like the new fantastic four movie. Gosh. So many movies. *slaps forehead* you're getting off topic grey.

Female characters best female friend(s): 5ft or 6ft, curly brown hair/ straight black hair/ curly blonde hair, green or brown eyes that look like dirt compared to female character's, small boobs or butt or both, tan skin with freckles or pores. And pencil thin lips with a big nose.

I actually think big noses on girls of boys looks really attractive but that's just me. So again the best friend is a pile of crap compared to majestic beautiful female character. But I did read a pretty good book that still isn't finished yet (author if you read this, please update your freaking book. It's getting ridiculous.) the book is called pure and I really liked the main character because she was a typical teenager with a horrible family life and no friends except Simon who was who I would die to be friends with. So she's a fat girl that couldn't be any uglier (so to say) that ends up being the most beautiful vampire anyone has ever seen. And then there's this one girl she saves from lust filled creeps in an ally and she's like really badass because she doesn't let anyone control how she feels. So yeah a female friend like that is perfect in my opinion. Because she's not fat or skinny but rather a little bit of both. And honestly every girl with any body type is beautiful in their own way.

Another thing I hate about the girls in books today is that they are completely oblivious to the fact that they're freaking gorgeous. Like even when they describe them selves. They use beautiful examples of what she looks on the mirror. Like for example:

I looked in my tall mirror. I sighed to myself as I looked at my perfect curves and straight hair that was long enough to cover my big sexy butt. But what stood out the most about my face was those two round blue orbs of light that illuminated my pink plump lips as much as my high cheekbones. With the right amount of light it looked as if my high cheekbones were giving my face the structure it needed. My boyfriend said I was a beautiful white elk in a forest of glowing trees. He didn't have to lie to my face.

*gags* I don't know how I was able to write that without puking but I did. I hope I made my point clear. I can't stand it when the female character does this. Like if you don't like your appearance them why not describe yourself a little more dull and defeated. Like seriously.

Okay. I think I will pick up next time with werewolf cliches. Maybe if I remember. So please write what you think in the comments. I would love to hear from you. See yous!^>^