Insanity | A Hobbit Fanfiction

Chapter 5

"This soup isn't that bad." Kili said.

"Eh, I've had better." Zephira said, curling her lip.

"Does nothing please you?" He asked with a small laugh.

She raised an eyebrow seductively. "I am not so hard to please in certain ways, Master Kili."

Kili blushed and Fili snorted, then started choking on his soup. "Ugh, you made me choke!"

They all looked at each other, then started laughing like idiots.

"Oh- oh!" Zephira cried, clutching her side. "And you- you're gay so it-it makes it /so/ much more... Ahh!" She started laughing again, and fell off the log she was sitting on.

They all took a moment to calm themselves down, Zephira wiping tears from her eyes.

Then a thought occurred to Kili: "Bilbo's been some time. Should we go check on him?"

"I'm sure he's fine." Fili said.

"No, Kili's right." Zephira said, standing up. "I'll go check."

She walked off to the direction Bilbo had set off.

"...over the fire! Make him /squeal/!" She heard a troll say. She saw Bilbo dangling from the beasts hand.

"Rahh!" She cried, jumping out of the bushes, her sword appearing at her side. She swung it at the nearest trolls leg, (there were apparently three) and it cried out.

"Drop him!" She yelled.

"You /wot/?"

She grinned. "I said, /drop him/." She only just realized what she had said when Bilbo came crashing down on her.

Luckily, Fili and Kili had gone and gotten the rest of the Company, and they all came charging in, swords and axes swinging.

"Get /off/ of me, /hobbit/!" Zephira cried as she struggled.

"Sorry! I'm trying!" He hopped up, and held out his hand to Zephira to help her up, which she promptly ignored. She went charging towards the trolls.

The fight was going fairly well, in her opinion. That is, until two trolls picked Bilbo up and threatened to yank his arms off unless they all dropped their weapons.

They all did, Zephira more reluctantly then the rest.

Five minutes later, half the company was tied to a large spit over the fire, the the other half was lying in sacks on the ground.

Zephira was squished unpleasantly into Oin's side, her back and upper body resting on Thorin's lap.

"Well," she said, looking back at him, "I've been in worse positions."

"Oh, shut up." He mumbled, but he couldn't hide the blush that rose to his cheeks.

"I don't fancy being turned to stone!" A troll said.

Zephira's head whipped around. Of course! She saw Bilbo wriggle his way to an upright position. "No, no. You're doing it all wrong!"

"What?" A troll asked.

"Well... Have you smelt them? You're going to need a lot more then sage to season this lot up."

"Oi!" She cried.

"Your going about it all wrong," Bilbo explained. "

"There's no use reasoning with them!" Bofur called. "They're half-wits!"

"Half-wits? What's that make us?!" Zephira cried.

"You, um, obviously don't know the secret to cooking dwarf."