Random darkness

typical dad thing

O_o On a typicle day in spring there was a parade. I was in that parade. I was excited. I was going to get to wear a samuria costume... Dad went and got me the costume...When I saw it my heart sank. I couldnt believe he wanted me to wear that...The parade route was packed.  A 3 mile course winding thru the base. I put the costume on just like dad told me to. I didnt want to be in the parade anymore.. You see the costume dad got for me was 100 % paper. It was a hot day. Dad just chuckled to himself as I took my place. About half way I started to sweat really bad.. The costume started to fall apart. Soon I was naked. You see dad wouldnt let me wear underwear or shorts under the paper. All my classmates were along the parade route.. they started laughing at me and calling out  "hey******* ". I saw dad..he was laughing at me ,too. Can you imagine how this weighed on a little girl? It wasnt so much that I was naked..it was the setting, the laughter, it was the fucking laughter. To this day I get so,so mad if anyone laughs at me. Its about the only thing I will stand up to.
I ran home crying all the way..I never got an apology from dad.. He regularly did things like that to demeen me.. things that tore my self esteem apart. Things that made me beleive even more strongly that I was indeed flawed. That night dad said he had another surprise for me. We are getting a new neighbor..and he wanted me to meet him. He said I already knew him... he told me it was the neigbors birthday today and he wanted to surprise him..and he knew exactly how... Dad took me upstairs..He placed a big red ribbon on me . I was naked. The neighbor was my 3 grade teacher. And I was his surprise birthday present. Dad told me listen to him. Do whatever he tells you. Dont make me have to punish you for disobeying an adult. I lost my virginity that night. Teacher told me "now your a women. We can play being married . And since you live right here we will be seeing alot of each other, Arent you happy about that? I know I am."
Dad is a pedophile. So was my teacher. Teacher would have sleep overs for his students. He would take so many pictures. Sometimes he would play games like spin the bottle were we would have to kiss someone.  I wasn't growing as a person. I stopped talking completely. I stopped looking anyone in their eyes. I was so sad all the time. I wanted to go far away where dads are not at nor any teachers. If i could have disappeared I would have. I didn't know what suicide was otherwise I would have killed myself.
One day mom announced she was divorcing dad. I thought finally it's over. I Found out later she divorced him because he raped my 10 year old sister because mother wouldnt have sex with him. So he had it with my sister.
I was soon to learn that I had no concept what real evil was. 6 months later I knew. Once again Satan had followed me. It was becoming clear that my only purpose in this life was as a whore. To make adults happy by sexual favors. And I hadnt even graduated 4th grade yet. I was already a slut. I could suck like a pro. That is what my teacher always told me.
Two months after we moved from Japan to California Mother started dating Satan himself.

First comes sex then comes..pain..then all those games you learned to play.. you know what you do is a horrible sin and your going to hell for sure..You can only silently cry as the years tick on by...and keep asking yourself why why why...why did Adalaine have to die?
Adalaine Skyye