Dad was in the Air force. He got transferred to Japan. His family could go with him. So I was a military brat among other things ie whore, slut,teachers pet. I started school late. When I should have been in kindergarten I was still in and out of the hospital so much that it was decided that I wouldn't start until the following year when I was better.
I started first grade in Japan. And second and third and third again.I flunked Third grade. How the hell do you flunk third grade? More fuel on the fire that was now burning in me. I had no self esteem, I was socially withdrawn, bullied in the classroom and at recess, the teacher saying it was just childish behaviour that I should just ignore it...how do you ignore being called monster? How do you ignore the laughter and finger pointing? how do you ignore having your dress pulled off at recess? How do you ignore your own thoughts telling you you are nothing, nobody wants you around, that there is something very wrong with you? How do you ignore the tears that you cant control? How do you ignore the emptiness you feel?you can't.
X x x x x x X
"I need you to stay after class and clean the chalkboards. I've already called your father and he said that it was OK. One more thing..after were done here Your coming home with me for alittle while. It will be fun. Just you and me..Don't worry you can trust me.. I wont hurt you...I'm your friend."
The devil had followed me from the hospital to here...The nightmare was starting all over again. For the first time I felt something that I would feel time and time again..For the very first time I felt fear. I felt trapped. alone. Scared, so so scared. Terrified.
I HATE that teacher probably more then anyone because he is the one that introduced me to fear. Its been a stumbling block in my life ever since.
The roses aren't really red
And violets aren't just blue
The devil wants you in his bed
He is going to violate you
Star light star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may I wish I might
Wake from this nightmare dream
I close my eyes and count to ten
Then I hear "come with me my friend"
I know what he is going to do,
those things were done to me before.
I'm officially a whore,
A Revolving door,
He takes me to his room
He gently removes my dress
Softly Whispers " just relax"
It will be over soon...
Adalaine Skyye
Pandorasaquarium.org a very very good site dealing with CSA SA I've been to so many other sites claiming to deal with these subjects yet were mediocre in comparison. This is the only one where I wasn't censored!! Forums, message board, library, chat room, pm between members. Anyone can join but yes there are regulations for anonymity that are strictly adhered to. Oh I forgot they have a thing you can start a blog, etc. It's moderated but the mods are super helpful and super cool. And no it doesn't matter if your young or old. They have a thing for over 40 and specific teen places. I thought yeah right at first, males being raped yep got a section, being prostitute by good ok satan (dad) yep, been involved in child porn, exploited, sex trafficked I spent so nuch time their because I was for the very first time excepted and I didn't feel embaressed or threarened, I wasn't told your being to descriptive so we pulled what you wrote, your banned get the fuck out of here..so if you know CSA or SA check them out. Pandys.org for short ( absolutely saddest is...over 30,000 old and new members. Oprah has given them hi 5, dr. Phil, that red headed singer who wails on the piano has a song titled Pandoras aquarium yeah it's a good site
BINABASA MO ANG
Random darkness
General Fiction*this story is very descriptive and may be considered triggering. Be in a safe frame of mind when reading* Thought wanderings of a depressed mess...No real rhyme or reason..insights about death, suicide, self injury, self hate,bullying, abuse. Allot...
