Darkness And Light: One Shots - [The School for Good And Evil]

Chap 100 / Noressa - She likes a boy pt. 2

Song: She likes a boy - Nxdia
Modern Adult-Teen AU Honora X Vanessa

Vanessa: 17
Honora: 16
Lesso: 18
Clarissa: 17
Callis: 19

TW: panic attack, internalized Homophobia, Transphobia, Religious trauma (might trigger christians, also idk how to do a confession I not once went to church lol)

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Vanessa POV

"Did you ever want something.. knowing how evil and wrong it was?" I asked quietly and felt my hands tremble on top of my knees but I tried hiding them by massaging my fingers nervously. My chest was hurting and Nora's eyes laid on me the entire time didn't help at all.

"Like- Ya know, drinking alcohol?" There was a pause between my words, I didn't fully know what I planned on saying actually, so I just mumbled a bit and held my eyes forced onto the water splashing beneath us. Nora didn't seem to mind the water but I did, and I mind the way she was so careless yet everyone loved her in church. I minded the way her eyes looked at me so softly, so gently. I minded the way she wanted to be my friend while my head was filled with all these horrible wrong things.

"Mhm, I get what you mean." She answered and nodded. My body was craving the feeling of her touch but I wasn't ... I wasn't like that. And she wasn't either, right? With a soft sigh, I finally looked at her and every vein in my body, every bone that connected every ankle, the muscles that tensed up, the .. the ..

everything. I couldn't stop staring at her, I wanted to crawl into her bones, I wanted to taste her blood between my lips and her hair between my fingers, I wanted to feel her hands on my skin and feel .. alive. I wanted to breathe, to smell her scent when she leans down to me, her tongue swirling around mine, her eyes running over my body like there was nothing more beautiful in the world but me. I wanted her to see me the way I saw her, I wanted the moon to sink into between us while our bodies melted into each other, creating a feeling, a thought, one universe we both shared.

"You okay?" Her voice brought me back to reality and I realized just how bad my thoughts were. How wrong my feelings were. My chest tightened, hurting, burning like a fire and it was spreading through my body. The pain when I wasn't able to breathe anymore. I gasped softly, and my fingers trembled inside my hands, my muscles tensed up and I tried to grasp for some air.

"Sorry-" With my shaky feet, I tried to get up and tripped a bit back, away from her. How did I end up here? How did I end up with her? Alone?! And with these wrong, horrible thoughts. Sins. That is what they were, sinful thoughts and feelings! My tears were burning in my eyes and I slightly held onto my chest, my fingers holding onto the fabric of my dress.

I watched Nora get up too, worried. She leaned a bit forward and tried reaching for my hand to help me calm down but I didn't let her and just pulled my hand away, stumbling back slightly.

"Hey.. Nessa, you have to calm down.. please.." She said and again, tried grabbing my hand but I didn't let her! I didn't want her to hold me, I didn't want her to touch me, if she did.. it would just get worse. It would break me, break me like porcelain, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I hated this. I hated how badly I craved her when I shouldn't.

"Just don't touch me!" I called out and started to walk away from her, my arms wrapping around my body. I needed to leave this place, I needed to be as far away from her as possible. I had to or my world would crumble, the feelings would get out, the thoughts would be shared, my secrets would be all over the place.

"Nessa.." Nora's tone was filled with softness, care, she was worrying. I didn't want her to worry though. I didn't want her to think about me, that's wrong. God didn't make us that way, and we're choosing to not be like that. It wasn't normal. It was the devil's work.