The bet

29. Even Einstein is jealous

Joel

I hate you so much.

I hate you with all my soul, my heart and my body.

Her words are echoing in my head.
I want to stop them, but they get louder and louder.

I watch her leave the cafeteria with a heavy chest and a blinding headache. 

She looked at me with hate.
There were tears in her eyes too. 

 I don't like the tears in her beautiful hazel eyes.
I wanted to reach my hand and wipe her tears.
I wanted to kiss her eyes and stop them from crying. 
But I can't do that. Enemies aren't supposed to do that.
Enemies are supposed to do what I am doing. 

She was too close to me and yet too far away.
My heart was crawling to reach her, to hold her.

But I can't.

And I don't know why I want to. 

I hate her.

The Meyers are the reason my family is this way.
They are the reason I don't have a normal life.

And now they are gone.
She is gone.

''Joel, are you listening to me?" Avril's voice comes to my senses. 
I look at her and she rolls her eyes.

''Did you and Olivia kiss??" she glares.
"Leave me alone, Avril.'' I say and sit on the couch. 

''No, I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me what's going on between you and her.'' she comes in front of me.
"Nothing is going on between me and her.'' I yell, ''It wouldn't even if I wanted to.'' 
''Even if you wanted to? What the hell does that mean?" she raises her hands in the air.

I sigh and lean my head in the couch and cover my face with my hands.

''Okay, let's just not argue now.'' Luke says, ''Avril go get some air.''

''Of course, it's always me the one who's left out.'' she huffs and leaves.

''Are you okay?" Luke asks after a while.
"Yeah, I'm fine.'' I stare at the ceiling.  

''It's not your fault.'' he says sitting beside me.
''Of course, it's my fault.'' 

I was the one who destroyed their project.
I'm the reason they are bankrupting.
Olivia's life is getting ruined because of me.

I ruined someone else's life once again. 

''Father is forcing you to do it, so it's not your fault.'' Luke says.

And I'm just like father.

''You are a good person, Joel. Don't let the others tell you otherwise, not even our father.'' he puts his hand on my shoulder. 

I wish it was true.

But there's no good inside me. 
Everything inside me is black and broken.
I can't be fixed.
Just like father says, I'm a whole failure.

Just like Olivia says, I'm a Devil.

Well, they call me a Devil, why shouldn't I act like one? 

''I'm going to ask you a question, but don't get mad. Okay?" Luke says and I nod.
''Do you like Olivia?" I narrow my eyes at him.
"You said you won't get mad.'' he raises his hands.
''Well, don't ask stupid questions.'' I scoff.

''Joel this is serious. Do you like her?'
"No. I don't like her.'' I say. 

I mean, I think she's pretty. No, I think she's beautiful.
She has a beautiful smile and beautiful hair. 
Her long brown hair falling over her shoulders and her sunshine smile is the best view you can get in the morning. It's beautiful.
Her eyes are like the forest, trees and earth combined together.  
Green and brown mixed.  They shine when there is light.
And she has some tiny freckles on her nose too, I always wanted to trace them with my finger.
Her laughter fills my ears like music, it's so carefree and childish.
She looks like a princess.