The Unexpected Bond

35 |The desires.

‼️⚠️ WARNING ⚠️‼️

The chapter contains smut and mature contents which can be upsetting to some readers, please read it on your own risk or don't at all.
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Please don't put my book on danger if you have a problem and still went on.
•Further, don't read if it's not to your liking or offensive.⚠️
•If you know me in real life.

Skipping of the chapter won't effect the storyline.

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RIANSH'S POV:

My childhood hasn't been the best. Neither was it a normal one. The only thing I've been seeing was dullness. Dullness everyday I waked up, dullness everytime I went out, dullness in everyones face, dullness in everything I saw. I was naive like every child untill I grew five, that was when i first experienced everything that was to be felt when I would've grown adult, fear, sorrow, pain. It felt like i skipped teen and jumped to maturity too soon but i couldn't complain. That was life was afterall.

My mother's wrath, my father's silence and my sister's loneliness. All came threatening towards me the moment i stepped into understanding. Everytime my mother would lock me I will just sit their and stare on the plane wall. Wondering if this was what I'll see the whole life. My father would not utter a single words to me and give me a cold shoulder everytime i walked upto him. My own situation, my parents uncertainty, leading to my sister's loneliness and fake smiles. All were eating me slowly day by day and I just stood letting it.

That's what I considered my world. That's what I believed in growing up.

When the sword of royalty gripped me I went away, like a coward. Saying I find it nonsense and burden. And I did, i did find it pressure but what made me decline it was hope, it created hope. I wasn't a believer of hope, i was a believer of reality, cruelty. I couldn't spread lies such as hope, love and happiness when i didn't see one around me, when i didn't believe in one myself. I didn't had the energy in me to lit up someone elses darkness. I was in darkness myself. I was a destruction myself. I went but the guilt remained. The guilt of trapping my sister in a thread i didn't know she wanted or not. I wasn't even a worthy brother how could I ever protect someone?

After my late mother went away father got married to my current mother three months later. She looked the same to me, not much not less, a mother stays the same for all yet she went and convinced my father to give me therepy. I didn't like it, not a bit, but the thought of seeing my sister go through depression by not having someone by her side scared me. Her birth was the only time I saw light after those years. She was the only one who'd not sleep to wish me a happy birthday at midnight. How can I dull her life as well.

When i grew older i realised what i couldn't when I was younger. They didn't behave like that because they had a problem with me they behaved like that because they had one with their selves. Everyone was selfish, all the people, all betray, all leave, all hate. Cruelty was what ruled the world so i became cruel. I become rude and ruthless just so i could maintain my composure. I reserved myself. I had lived with a darkness all my life and i look forward to holding into it. The view of someone else suffering for their own shit satisfied my salvation. Why, i didn't understand, maybe because i believed that's how it worked. You became ruthless, you win. And i wanted to win. The only way to win was to only see the fairness of yourself, benefits of our own, not believe in fate, destiny, kind of shit. So I stayed clung to darkness, hopelessness, defy good. After being in solitude for so many years, after seeing dullness for so many years it became my paradise. I only felt peace when I was alone. I was somehow too attached to leave it behind now. But was it really peace or loneliness i didn't dare figure out.