Everything I Wanted // Billie Eilish

Everything I wanted

I clicked the first one and felt my heart drop. Her beautiful face lit up the screen with her bright smile. Something I will forever miss.
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"So... Ava.." she began talking in the video but looking away from the camera in a sad way.

"..If you are watching this... then I guess I'm no longer with you.. but I don't want you to cry baby, cause I'm not gone forever, I'll be waiting for you... but I want you to live a long and happy life first."

I felt tears silently slip down my cheeks as I felt the warmness in my heart from the love I felt from her.

"Anyway.. with this video, you must have seen another file called 'Everything I wanted" she sighed and I could see her look down to fiddle with her fingers.

"I wrote a song that's has to do with what I've been feeling lately, but also there's a bit in the song, the chorus, which I wrote about... you."

I felt a sting in my chest. She wrote a song about me..? The thought of it made my heart ache and flutter at the same time.

"I wrote it about my relationship with you, because I felt like you were the only person in this world that really was there for me, and you truly cared about me. While writing it I constantly thought about how you would hold me and comfort me, even after I would wake up from a bad dream."

As I was listening I would remember the nights she would wake me up and I would have to comfort her and hold her until she fell back asleep. I would hold those memories forever.

"I want you to know... that the way I felt for you.. is something I've never felt for a person before... and my love for you is so deep... I'm sorry that I'm gone... you don't deserve any pain your feeling right now. I'm so sorry my love..."

I watched her as her voice began to break me her eyes brimmed with tears.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to show you this song... and you can do what you want with it. You can keep it for yourself.. or you can release it for the fans. It's up to you. But always know that this song is for you."

A small smile reached her lips when she said the song was for me. She sighed and looked back down.

"I want you to listen to the song now... I'll miss you my love... goodbye."

I felt my heart ache as her face disappeared and the screen was now black. Tears slowly fell from my eyes but I did my best to stay calm. I went to the other file and opened it. While it was loading I couldn't help but have thoughts run through my mind of the contents of this song. Before I could think of anything else, I heard a beautiful piano melody come through the speakers in the computer. My heart melted once I heard her vocals peak through.

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you think
And if I'm being honest it might've been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly
So I stepped off the golden-
Nobody cried
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up I see
You with me

And you say
"As long as I am here no one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why your here
They don't deserve you"

I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I'm not just somebody's daughter
It could've been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don't want to let anybody know
Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don't want to let them down
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up I see
You with me

And you say
"As long as I am here no one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why your here
They don't deserve you"

If I knew it all then would I do it again, would I do it again?
It they knew what they said would go straight to my head, what would they say instead?
If I knew it all then would I do it again, would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head, what would they say instead?

I slowly closed the laptop after the outro ended and the music stopped. I didn't know what to feel. I just felt numb. This girl deeply cared about me and I did what I did to her. She was gone because of me. She was the one who deserves better then me.

I put the laptop on the nightstand beside me and I curled up into her blankets and pillows. I laid there and began crying and shaking until my eyelids finally closed and I let myself fall asleep.

Maybe I could see her sooner then she wanted me too...
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A/N
Honestly Everything I wanted is my favourite song... like I love it so much, and it means so much to me. The meaning behind it is so relatable and I cry to it every time. I honestly love that song and I love Billie so much for making it..❤️

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