Everything I Wanted // Billie Eilish

Promise me

Ava POV

I woke up he next morning and felt Billie's warm body still snuggling behind me. Last night was one of the best nights ever, although between my legs was kind of sore...

I laid there motionless because I didn't want to wake billie up. She must have been so tired, for obvious reasons. Her warmth is something I never wanted to leave my side either, nor the soft breathing I could feel on my neck. I love this girl so much.

It's kind of funny, I forgot we both fell asleep naked. I could still feel her chest pressed up against my back. It felt very nice to be honest. She also had he arms tightly wrapped around me, she was such a good cuddler. Its nice that she stays like this all night too, she doesn't move away in the middle of the night while she's sleeping.

I slightly moved my hand and laid it on top of billies arm. I slowly rubbed her arm feeling her soft skin. She was so perfect. Before I went to close my eyes again, I noticed something on billies arm. I hadn't noticed anything strange last night, but I felt like I was on cloud 9 the entire time, so it's hard to notice small things like this.

I turned her arm over gently making sure not to wake her up. As soon as I saw them I felt my heart sink. She had large deep cuts marked on her wrists. Has she been hiding these from me the entire time? That's probably why she had that strange bandana on her arm the other night. I just wonder how long ago she did these. I traced a finger across one of them feeling it. They didn't feel old at all, it's as if they just started to heal a little bit now. Why wouldn't she tell me? What even made her want to do this to herself?

So many questions pondered around my mind until they were interrupted by a soft yawn coming from the girl snuggling me from behind.

"Good morning baby." She said with her raspy morning voice. So hot.

My view of the marks on her arms were gone when she pulled the comforter up higher to our necks. "How was your sleep beautiful?" She asked me. "Perfect." I smiled at her and brought my back closer to her front, so our skin was touching more. "You sore at all?" She said laughing a little bit. "Just a lil bit..." I said it kind of quietly because it was a little embarrassing.

It went silent for a minute I thought she went back to sleep until she all of sudden began to speak again. " What do you want to do today love?" I hummed not really answering her question, my mind was still a little distracted. "Whatever you want billie." She sighed and didn't say anything. I think the fact that she just woke up made it harder for her to think of anything.

"How about we hop in the shower and go from there?" She all of a sudden asked. I felt a smile grow on my face and I slowly nodded towards her. She snuggled me tighter before letting go and sitting up. I looked back down at her arm and quickly looked back to her. I felt like she should know that I saw them. I think it would be better for us if she knew she didn't need to hide anything from me.

"Billie wait..."

Billie POV

"Billie wait..." I looked over to Ava, who had now sat up beside me. "What is it..?" She looked into my eyes with a serious expression on her face making me feel a little nervous. "You know you can tell me anything right?" Now I was just confused. Why is she bringing his up all of a sudden now.

"Billie... I don't want to start anything, but..." I felt panic start to rise inside me, was she about to say something that would upset me? What if I had upset her? "Baby what is It?" I said eagerly. 

She looked down and the back at me. "I noticed the marks on your arm..." I felt my eyes widen and my heart sink. I got so caught up in the moment last night I completely forgot about the one thing I was hiding from her. I felt tears well up in my eyes as she just stared at me.