Everything I Wanted // Billie Eilish

Gone forever

She was gone. I couldn't even process any of it. I sat at the edge of the cliff, looking below me. She had vanished into the water at the bottom. She was gone. Forever.

I felt my chest cave and my body crumble. I fell to my knees as I looked over the edge. I was so shocked of what just happened I couldn't even move, I couldn't even make a sound. I stared down at the moving water, just hoping some miracle would come through, hoping maybe she would rise to the surface.

I was wrong to think that.

I felt my chest ache as I began uncontrollably sobbing. I gripped the grass underneath my hands and screamed as loud as I could. I crouched down and put my head in my hands as I sobbed. Tears streamed down my face like rushing rivers.

"WHY?!" I screamed out. "W-why did you have to g-go...?" I said softly in my hands. "I c-can't do this w-without you..."

I just cried. All I did was cry. I felt like I was going to throw up, the lump in my throat was making it hard for me to breathe. My chest continuously contracted as I gripped it tightly to ease the pain. How was I supposed to do this without her? It felt impossible.

She was my first love, my first and only love, but I was stupid enough to make her think I didn't care. I should have never left her in the first place! I should've never went to that stupid party! This was my fault... It's my fault she got to this point. I'm the one who caused her that pain, and that's something I don't think I can live with.

I would never get to see her again. Everything that was perfect about her, was gone. I would never see or feel her plump lips again. I would never get to feel the warmth of her touch that always gave me butterflies. Her beautiful voice will only be heard in the songs she already has. I would never get to see her eyes, Her beautiful ocean eyes, ever again.

I continued sobbing into my hands on the ground until I heard a car pull up behind me. I heard a car door open and shut and then someone had ran to me and wrapped their arms around me. I didn't even care who it was at this point. It could've been a serial killer and I wouldn't have cared.

I heard a familiar voice and I lifted my head to see a teary eyed Finneas. I couldn't get any words out yet, I just sobbed into his arms. I could tell he was crying too because I could feel his wet tears land on my head. After awhile I finally spoke up.

"S-shes g-gone..!" I said while still crying. He just nodded and held me tighter.

"W-what are y-you even doing h-here...?" He sniffled and cleared his throat. "Billie sent me a message... She didn't tell me where she was but told me what she was planning... I was so scared and I couldn't find where she could've been until I was too late..."

I felt him cry harder as he tightened his grip on me. We both sat there for about ten minutes crying. "O-okay Ava we need to go..." He turned to face me. "I-I can't.. y-you don't understand.. I-I can't leave her.."

Finneas stared into my teary eyes. "I-I'm sorry Ava... S-shes gone..."

Those words reminded me of the truth, she really was gone forever. It made my heart ache again, making me cry even more. He eventually realized I wasn't going to move on my own, so he picked me up and brought me towards his car.

"No! Wait!" I quickly stood up out of his arms and rushed to her car. I opened the front door and whimpered as soon as I was hit with her familiar vanilla scent. Streams of tears fell down my face as I tried my best to look around for anything possibly important.

I eventually saw a piece of paper sticking out of the glove box. I picked it up and turned it in my hand. My heart shattered as soon as I saw my name written across it in beautiful cursive with little hearts around. I brought my hand to my mouth and sobbed. I knew exactly what would be inside this envelope, and it's something I am not ready to read.

I took the keys out of the car, and took anything of hers that was possibly valuable. I didn't find anything else until I saw a little shimmer in the corner of my eye. It was thrown into the backseat, it was her silver blohsh chain that she wore everywhere she went.

My heart felt like it had been stabbed with a million little needles. I remember when she told me that the reason she never took it off was because it was her way of always being with the fans. This was one of the only objects she cared the most about.

I picked it up and rolled it in my hand. I gripped it tightly while giving it a kiss, I then held it close to my chest and cried silently. I shut the car door after taking her scent in one more time. I walked back towards Finneas, wrapping my arms around him, holding him tightly. I let go and looked at the view one more time trying to forget what just happened, but trying to remember all the memories we shared here.

We got in the car and as we drove I turned the envelope in my hand. As much as I wanted to read what was she wrote for me, I knew what it was going to be, and I wasn't ready. However, at the same time I wanted to know what she could possibly say to me. There could be something she wanted me to know that I didn't already.

I took a deep breath as Finneas looked over st me. "You sure you want to open that now..?" I hesitated for a moment, but nodded. I turned it over and slowly tore the top open. I pulled out a folded piece of paper that had writing all over it. I felt my eyes tear up as I read the first line.

To my very first love Ava, I'm sorry...

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A/N
I'm sorry guys y'all really must hate me right now.. the stories not over yet though, so don't give up on me yet!

1123 words