Lyssa's Poem Book

Not a poem, just me ranting about random thoughts

You know so much about me without even knowing who I am. I just can't imagine someone like you ever feeling the way I feel right now, that's insane to me. Both comforting and alarming, honestly. I wish I could grow like you have but it could never happen to a fuckup like me. So what am I supposed to do? Would you feel for me? Would you understand or would you scold me? Sometimes I think you'd hug me and other times I picture the angry disappointed look on your face if you saw who I really am. I think too much but I wonder if I'd be afraid of you even though I say you're my comfort. I don't know if we would be best friends or mortal enemies. Isn't that strange?

I know you care about me now, but I can't help but think maybe you wouldn't, if you knew all the things I didn't do...

I imagined myself running up to you and you walking away with a scowl. Why do I put myself through this? 

(Unrelated)- I never thought I would fail to keep a promise, especially to you. But I couldn't stop from changing my thoughts and now I feel like a traitor because something in my brain has redefined my priorities. I'd never tell you this but I'm ashamed even if I'm happier now. I hope you wouldn't be offended but I don't want you to know that what I said won't always be the truth.