Pushing The Limits

Chapter 66: Be Without You

"It can but I have a good team behind me so we're off to a fantastic start."

"That's good. That's good." Bates grinned, bobbing her head. "So one would presume that the new city did more good than harm. Hm?"

The enclosed space made everything feel strangely, almost contrived once more. Everything in my head was a jumbled mess. I still carried an awful amount of weight from what happened.

I cast a quick look all over, hesitant to voice the low turmoil within. "I ... I-I haven't worked enough to uh say this ..." I started, barely heard. "There was man who hurt me emotionally and ... Sorry."

My words faded swallowed, by the fear of enduring those haunting incidents. The walls seemed easing yet daunting– walls that might contain my suffering or strengthen it.

"It's okay, take your time." She said softly.

I deeply sighed. "My childhood wasn't just lollipops and ice cream. Sometimes it rained. I-It rained a lot real bad with nowhere to run or take cover."

"So where did you go when ... it rained?"

"Underneath my bed!" I bursted into sobs, squeezing in words out of the unfathomable pain that continue to plague me. "But he was always there."

"Who hurt you?"

"Geri ... Gerald."

Tears streamed down my cheeks, each drop a huge testament to the pain etched within. The flashbacks rose up, overwhelming my senses.

"He was a family ... friend .. He used to be sweet to me until he wasn't. It started when I was ten .. naive and so stupid. He put his hand.. i-in my panties and  rubbed his groin on my ass until he– this frequently happened a lot till I was twelve. He um ..went away a-and for a long time I blamed myself. Harping with guilt, disgusted with myself. I-I couldn't tell anyone what we done. So ... so I tried so hard pretending it didn't happen but it did! and when he reunited with us again, it got worse. gruesome more violent when I tried to fight. My pleads aroused him a-and it was not until I was hospitalized from a torn cervix t-that he finally went away! But the damage was done, so broken. He left pain and hurt that's been toying with me ever ... since ... I-I."

"Is this what keeping you up at night?"

"Yes." I sobbed.

The mere act of revealing those unvarnished aching moments made me feel exposed. Yet each teardrop that fell seem to shed just a tiny bit of pain that was hidden deep within.

My eyes fixated on my trembling fingers intertwined in my lap. More tears spilled as the heavy weight of my story hung in the air.

When I slowly looked up, I was met with a light grin, an aura of kindness and empathy in the midst of all my upheaval despondency.

"Identifying and discussing these poor experiences is an important beginning in stripping ownership of your story and salvation. Your resilience to triumph over past experiences reflects you, not the incident that happened to you." Bates uttered.

"Still won't get the nightmares to stop."

"Yet." She objected. "Dreams, partially those rooted in childhood experiences, can be complex. It's sort of like a bridge between the past and present. You are better off biting that bullet. Or else, your mind will be left picking at unresolved issues."