ACROSS

24

Onika

I checked the time on my broken clock which hanged above my bed for the umpteenth time in the last ten minutes.

Today was a Saturday and I was supposed to be meeting with Beyoncé at that cafe. My anxiety was at an all time high and I didn't really know how to stop it.

My dad has been home all day, watching tv in the living room to make matters worse. How am I going to leave without him noticing?

Beyoncé said we should meet by two and it was already thirty minutes after one meaning I had less than thirty minutes to leave this house.

I couldn't disappoint her and not show up. It seems I'd already done a lot of that in the time we were apart.

"Onika!"

Hearing my father's voice causes my heart to stop for a split second. What does he want now??

It obviously can't be anything good.

But I haven't even done anything I been up here all day!

Knowing just how impatient he could get I decided to just put a stop to my many questioning thoughts and go see what he wanted.

I slowly and hesitantly descended the steps seeing him standing there with his hand on his hip and an annoyed expression on his face.

He eyed me up and down causing me to immediately feel self conscious, I tried to hide my outfit— which was just an oversized tee and jeans— by crossing my arms in front of myself.

Did I look bad?

Should I just go back up and change?

What if Beyoncé found me repulsive?

"Where the hell are you going?" He asks with a raise of a brow but I just shake my head, and in less than a second he was standing right before me with a death grip on my chin.

I knew he hated when I didn't talk but most times I just couldn't help it. It seemed like my voice always closed up on me whenever I was put in a situation I didn't like.

"Speak when I'm talking to you!" He spat with so much venom in his words. I could literally feel spit flying out his mouth and going every which way.

Although it was extremely hard for me to get the words out I finally mumbled out a small barely audible, "Y-yes.."

"Good. Now where are you going?"

"N-nowhere." I stutter out great and now my stutter was back. I hated when it happened, especially because I always tried practicing the words in my head, repeating it over and over before saying it so I wouldn't embarrass myself.

I hated when it happened around Bey especially because it always made me feel.. stupid.

At least that's what my father thinks of me. What are the odds Beyoncé doesn't think the same?

"Good good." My father finally relented letting go of my chin before stepping back and dusting his suit— which I'd only just now noticed— like I'd gotten dirt on him. "I'm going to the office. Emergency meeting." He says rolling his eyes.

"Make sure you stay in the house and keep my fucking door locked. I don't want to have to come home and look for your stupid ass because trust me when I say you won't like the outcome. I'll be back in few hours."

I just watched him as he walked away opening and leaving out the front door with tears brimming my eyes.

Why did he hate me?

Why does everyone hate me?

I know he does, my mom does and everyone else that's ever met me..

Was it because of my anxiety?