Waiting for War

Katie

Amy was the one knocking on the door. Complaining that she thought someone had kidnapped me. Amy, Luke and Kally head off to the library after that to look for more history books. I honestly don't think they'll find anything but it's nice to finally feel like we're all a group again. I'm concerned about Kassie. If she chooses to tell her mom about Kally, Kally could easily come to share my same fate. The only reason I've stayed alive this long is because of how powerful I am. Other than that, there's something else that's been brewing in my mind. The principal last year was helping us find more information on the government. Rose Cummings helped me in my senior year. What if there are others helping me from the shadows I have no idea about? Even Amy's family is involved in keeping me alive. Who do they all work for, and what could be their goal?

Ken shifts in my arms.

"Katie," he winces.

"Why did you leave me?" And suddenly his grip is tighter. "You even smell like her. Why didn't she believe me?" He's lost weight, his once very buff body looking thinner, and weaker than I've ever seen him before. There are shadows under his eyes and he looks as if he's on death's doorstep.

"Why are you letting yourself die?" I ask, before I can stop myself. He snuggles further into me.

"You sound like her too," but then his breathing becomes deeper and I know he's asleep.

He looks almost like he's letting himself die. He had Luke call me over here, or maybe it was just Luke? Why is he letting his health get this bad? What does he, of all people, have to lose?

I run my hands through his hair as his face is tormented by thoughts in his sleep. We stay like this for the rest of my time there, and when I try to leave, he won't let me go. Finally I pry myself free and make my way back to Army University. My heart throbs in my chest. I can't get that kiss out of my brain, and I can't get him out of my brain in consequence. I sigh as I meet Amy at the door to our room.

"They told me it feels like Ken's trying to kill himself, but he won't talk to anyone about it," she states. I gulp.

The one thing I've been trying to write over, ignore, let him go. Does it have to do with what he asked me in his feverish state? Is it because I left him? Am I part of the reason he's like this?

Guilt burns in my stomach.

Come on, don't be self centered. There's no way.

But there's a small thought centered in the back of my brain that maybe I'm right. Maybe Ken was telling the truth when he said he loved me, when he said don't leave me, when he dropped the shot. Maybe I'm the one who thought he was still trying to kill me even when he left every one of his tools at my feet.