Waiting for War

Luke

Ken won't believe me that I gave him medication. He thinks it's something else-more like someone else.

"Did Katie touch me on the shuttle?"

And i can't tell him because she told me not to. I sigh.

"Ken, just let it go, I gave you medication in your sleep because you wouldn't take it while you were awake," I clarify. He looks at me skeptically.

"Don't do it again, I'm fine with dying," he interjects.

"Ken, will you stop talking like that, I've worked my entire life to keep you alive, now's not the time to die," I snap back.

"And what's it to you?"

"You're my best friend! Of course it matters to me! You've worked so hard to get this far,"

"Well what if the dream I'm working towards is just a pipe dream. I don't want it. And it's all I've ever wanted, you have no idea how that feels,"

"How would you know how I feel about my dreams? Did they make you build a death machine Ken?"

"They asked me to hand them an alasian on a silver plater,"

"Well yippee. We both didn't get what we bargained for. My gift is going to be used to kill others, they wouldn't even let me transfer out of this hell hole," I don't know why but this whole situation is making me mad.

He blinks.

"You were trying to transfer out?" He looks stunned.

"Of course I was, or else they'll make me murder someone else," the words are cold and icy.

"They're making you do it again?"

"They haven't gotten a hold of me yet," a shiver runs down my spine. "Maybe you wanted to be a killer, but I never wanted that. I wanted to find ways to heal others beyond human ability. I wanted to keep alasians alive, and now all they're going to use me for is slaughter," the words are acidic in my mouth. "They tell me I'm born for it, I'm the only one that can kill off the enemy. The only one that can kill off my friends."

And I realize with clarity what makes me so bitter about Ken wanting to die. They're done with Ken. The government isn't done with me. I'm stuck, like a bug to glue, waiting to be crushed. If I mess up the machine again, they'll surely know. If I don't, someone is going to die again. I'm the one who should be contemplating dying, not Ken. At least he has alasians that care if he dies.