Waiting for War

Amy

the world has nothing for me. they killed me when they killed him. the live that i cherished in secret is now nothing but a memory. if sadness were this feeling i could name it. but sadness feels so contrite. the love of my life is buried in the ground and he never knew i loved him. he never knew i loved him. he never knew i loved him.

it's the tears that sting when my mind sears with the memories. the last times i saw that smiling face. it's the little moments in between the tides of time and my heart jumping for some sense of direction without him. there's only one.

katie hates that he's dead. she hates it and wants to avenge him along with rose and all the others this treacherous government has taken down. this cannot be the end for us. there has to be revenge at the end of this road. even if it costs me my life it will make me able to see him.

the ground is cold where we walk. my feet hardly notice the ground beneath me, trailing my body far away. thermos is hot but my head is stifling. nothing burns like blood in my veins. burnt out homes that come like shattered dreams to me now. they haunt me. they taunt me. and they come in his leafy green eyes. they come in his glassy white smile. this is where the cold is. at the bottom of the heat. where my soul burns white hot. where he stays tucked away, protected from the death he went through. a place i can keep him safe.

i don't know his name, the one that murdered him. all i know is the first. henry. but that is who i hate. i hate for what he's done. katie tells me he's the one that killed terrence's father. katie tells me he is more powerful than any of the students. she hasn't tested his strength against hers but it's the first time in a while insecurity seeps in.

we're walking down the road towards the big marble buildings in thermos. the big boxy cars that float like they did in the capital. like they did when i could have told him i love him. there's no burning back this road to make him bubble to the surface. there's no back for me at all. there is grief. cold hard grief. that is all.