shinsen high school | yeonbin

fifty-four

( p.s :- didn't want to scare yall at the the end, so i'm letting yall know that this is the last chapter of this book )

was time passing slowly? or was it passing too fast? yeonjun couldn't really tell. he saw days come and nights go from his room window but he had no idea what day it was time, what time it was. he had no idea how long soobin had been gone for. 

yeonjun's lost a of people in his life. but this was the first time in his entire life that he felt the loss of a loved one. he loved his mom too but he was too young at that time to really comprehend what it meant to lose someone who was near and dear to you. but now, he was old enough. and oh boy, how he wished he wasn't this old. how he wished he didn't have it in him to feel this pain. 

it was agonizing. beyond agonizing. yeonjun felt so lost. what was he supposed to do now? continue like nothing had happened? treat this like a passing incident?

there was no way he could do that. soobin wasn't just his lover. he was his soulmate. yeonjun's chest tightened, his eyes tearing up. just why, why did this happen?

yeonjun mind wandered for the millionth time. if only he didn't let soobin into his strongly built walls? what good did it even do? he lost soobin, his parents lost soobin, the world lost soobin. if yeonjun hadn't met soobin, soobin would've been alive right now. he wouldn't have talked to yeonjun or fallen in love with him, but that's fine. he would've been happy and alive, bubbly as ever, excitedly talking to someone, saying some of the most unhinged stuff ever and laughing. sometimes, he'd get angry but not for too long. soobin was someone who couldn't hold a grudge for too long. 

was someone. 

yeonjun cried out loud, his heart aching. oh how he wished soobin never met him. the only one who would've suffered was yeonjun. but that was something he had been doing for years. and this agony and pain was so much worse than his past. 

yeonjun heard a knock on his door. he knew who it was. he didn't say anything, the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. his throat was dry. 

"hyung..." said beomgyu, peeking into the room. the room was a mess, things loitered everywhere with yeonjun sitting on the bed, sobbing. 

carefully, beomgyu walked into the room. yeonjun only let beomgyu inside the room. if any of the attendants came by, yeonjun would lash out of them. it was understandable, yeonjun wanted his space. he needed his space. he needed time to heal. 

gently, beomgyu sat beside yeonjun on the bed, he grabbed his hand, delicately. "hyung, you need to get ready..."

yeonjun looked up at beomgyu, his eyes red. "what?"

beomgyu took a deep breath. he didn't want to say it but he had to say it. "it's soobin's funeral today. the police have handed soobin over to his family. they called me, they want you to come."

soobin's funeral. yeonjun let out a dry chuckle.  "i'm not going."

beomgyu gripped yeonjun's hand even more firmly. "soobin will want you there. he'd want you to see him off. don't you want to say goodbye to soobin for his new journey?"

yeonjun looked away. "a murderer would not go to that person's funeral."

beomgyu grabbed yeonjun's shoulder. "hyung, please! you're not a murderer. you didn't murder soobin. it wasn't you."

beomgyu knew that yeonjun wanted to go to the funeral. he knew that his hyung wanted to see soobin for the very last time. but the guilt and loathing within himself was keeping him from doing that. beomgyu could see yeonjun's mind wavering. he was considering coming.