Fate [h.s]

Chapter 31

                I couldn't fall asleep last  night. I just couldn't fall asleep to the fact that my Mother is dying as I'm laying here. Without her I will be lost, insecure, and unsure with myself. I feel as if there's no reason to be living if the most important person in the world to me is missing. She is my life now that I think about it. She's the one who taught me everything about being a lady. I don't even think i'll be mentally stable to continue college. I don't even care if I finish school now anyways, success is nothing if I have no one to share it with. 

              Last night I felt Harry's arm across me. I feel like he's starting to regret ever being close with me. At around 3 a.m when he thought I was sleeping he was talking to me. Not sleep talking, but saying things to me that he wouldn't say if I was 'awake'. I remember him going on about how he wants to leave, but he just can't. Also how I am the only person since then that he's cared about. Harry still didn't even tell me what that whole song thing is about but he did say how he wanted to tell me everything but if he did, I would run away from him, even though that would be a good thing. I didn't understand that last part. Who would it be good for? Him or I? I don't really know. 

"Good morning" Harry says when he sees my eyes open. All night I kept my eyes closed just so he wouldn't stop talking to me. 

"Morning" I reply. I wouldn't say it was a good morning... 

"I have to go soon." I turn over to be face to face to Harry. I notice him look straight at my lips. It makes me just want to kiss him. 

"Why?" 

"Uh... I just need to." His eyes leave my lips and to my eyes staring straight into my soul, I stare back but all I see is a shield. He knows so much about me, where all I know is his first and last name. 

"Okay." 

"You look so tired, like you got no sleep." He swallows hard, probably thinking of the conversation he had with me last night. I don't know if I should imply I heard him last night or not. 

"I didn't" His eyes widen a little realizing I did hear what I said to him. 

"I should go now actually." He removes his hand from my waist, gets up, and walks out of my room. 

Oh well. It's nothing I'm not used to anymore. 

It's 9 a.m now and I have nothing to do today. I don't even remember what day it is. Monday? I have classes today but I am not mentally able to go. I know my mother would want me to stay in university, but I feel almost like it's not worth it. 

I can't stop letting my mind run. All I've been doing for the past 12 hours is think to myself. I'm drowning in my own thoughts. 

I force my body out of bed, though that's the only place I want to be, and walk downstairs. I know Raina is at class so I'm home alone. There's nothing I want to eat. I look around my pantry and find the alcohol. Alcohol has taught me that it makes me forget for a while. Just today I'll drink. 

I open the bottle and take a swig. I gag as the strong unfamiliar taste slides down my throat. This is strong alcohol. I don't care the stronger the faster I'll forget. 

~2 hours later~

The entire bottle is gone and it was full. I dont care I'm happy. Reallyyy happy. The mailman came to the door today and I gave him a big wet kiss on the cheek. I think he liked it because he had a big smile on his cheek. Right now I have music blasting through the entire house while I continue to drink the second bottle of this alcohol. I dont even know what this kind is but my head feels like it's in another world. The dancing, the music, and my drink is washing away all the memories. I barely remember what happened! I want Harry to come over! I stumble over to my cell phone in the living room, dialing his number. 

"Hello?" 

"Harryyy!" I yell over the loud music.

"Lili, what the hell are you doing." His angry voice is so sexy

"I'm having fun!" I laugh into the phone.

"Where are you?" 

"I'm home, baby don't worry" I try to flirt with him just because it's funny. 

"Lili... I'm coming over"

"Yess come over baby" I make the winky face to myself and laugh. 

"Oh my god" Harry says and hangs up the phone.

***A/N         to be continued