Love, Blood and Wilderness | YELLOWJACKETS

Chapter 23

    "Everything okay?" Lottie asked.

    "Uh, yeah, it's fine."

    The last thing I wanted to do was admit to Lottie what had just happened because even I still didn't know what had just happened.

    "Well, Nat's leaving now it looks like, you should come say bye," she said sincerely, but her words had an undertone of knowing.

    "Yeah, uh... Yeah sure, fine."

    I followed Lottie downstairs and watched Nat shove her coat on, frustrated and upset. I saw the bloodiness in her eyes as she caught me coming down the steps.

    "Tay-"

    I glared at her. She knew to stop herself.

    "You're doing the right thing," Lottie cut in, "and it's not easy."

    "Whatever," Nat replied, voice breaking.

    "Here," Lottie offered her ritualistic tea to Natalie, who just looked at me, sorrowfully. I crossed my arms.

    "I just want you to be safe," Lottie told her, and I could tell it was genuine. It was obvious that Lottie was trying to be overly nice to Nat to one, try to win me back and two, she sensed tension. Her kindness was bittersweet.

    "Mm-hmm, sure you do," Nat grumbled, still looking at me. I made it evident to make searing eye contact with her, letting her bask in the uncomfortableness. Jackie squirmed within me, assuring me that was the right choice.

    "Hey, you want me to come?" Travis wondered, clearly looking for some sort of "help" from Nat.

    I couldn't help but let out a rancorous laugh.

    "I'm so sure that she does, Martinez. Go ahead, I know she has a thing for brunettes," I sneered.

    All of the girl's eyes fell on me, I could especially feel Lottie and Shauna's, I didn't even have to see their expressions but I knew they were both a mix of surprised and satisfied.

    Nat stared at me, lips frowning. So many thoughts and sensations in were flooding my mind, I couldn't determine how I wanted to feel towards Nat's infidelity. My brain was scrambled.

"No, I'm fine on my own," she replied to Travis, eyes still on me, "but Taylor do you... Wanna come?"

I scoffed and turned away from her. I heard her sigh and exit the cabin, preparing to move Jackie back to the plane.

There was a contemplative silence, and along with anger, sadness and frustration, I also felt a twang of guilt, as if Jackie was telling me, "check on her".

"It's what she would have wanted... Shauna," I mumbled, remembering that Shauna was probably grieving much more than the rest of us and I never bothered to check on her once.

    "I don't know," Shauna replied, quietly.

    "Maybe not for the rest of us, but for you," Lottie joined in, "for the baby. I think some part of you knew that."

    It was true. It didn't matter if Shauna slept with Jeff, it didn't matter if Shauna was having Jackie's boyfriend's baby, Jackie would've done absolutely anything to protect her, even as far as this. Jackie wouldn't let Shauna die, even in her own death.

"But I wanted it, too. I don't know, I just feel so fucked-up," Shauna said, tears forming in her eyes.

"You can't blame yourself. We all did it together," I reassured her.

    "I'm scared, guys. I mean, everything feels out of control, like... Like I don't know what's gonna happen next. I mean, what if I'm...?"

    What if she'll miscarry? What if the shrooms damaged the fetus? What if the baby doesn't live? What if Shauna doesn't live?