Fear of Love

Chapter 28....

I glared at my phone, willing it to ring. It's been two days since I last spoke to Landon. Two days since he walked away. I wish I could feel angry that he hasn't called or texted me but I did this to myself. I really had no one else to blame.

I wanted nothing more than to call him but seeing as my last text went unanswered yesterday I don't think he'll answer. The moment he walked away I knew I fucked up. All he was asking me to do was tell him about Jared, wasn't like he was asking for a kidney.

"Hey." Susie, my head editor, popped her head into my office making me jump in my chair. "Sorry." She gave me a sheepish smile. Pretending that I wasn't longingly staring at my phone I turned to face her.

"What's up?"

"I just wanted to see if you had the article for the animal sanctuary. For some reason I can't find it."

"Yeah I'll send it over to you right now." I silently thanked her for coming in and needing something from me. I've spent all day doing nothing, too busy thinking about Landon.

"Thanks." She started to slip out the door before pausing. "You okay?"

"I'm all good, just busy with the upcoming issue." I didn't even believe the lie. "I'll see you at the wedding right?"

"Yeah we'll be there."

After Susie left I turned back to my computer, trying my hardest not to look at my phone for the hundredth time. Sending the animal sanctuary article over only took two seconds and I was once again back where I began.

I leaned back in my chair with an audible groan. I don't know what to do. It was all just a major clusterfuck and I don't know how to fix it. I know I told Landon I didn't want anyone to know we were messing around but right now all I wanted was to talk to my girls, even if they give me shit for doing this behind their backs.

I didn't hesitate in sending a text to Josie. It may only be 2 o'clock but it wasn't like I was doing something here.

Lydia: Would it be okay if I came over?

Josie texted back almost instantly.

Josie: Of course. Everything okay?

Lydia: I'll tell you when I get there.

Within seconds I was grabbing my purse and phone, high tailing it out of my office. I felt my employees eyes on me as I all but ran out the building to my car.

The guilt I've felt keeping this secret from my best friends grew tenfold as I drove towards Josie's apartment. Between that and the thought that I've lost Landon for good the pressure in my chest grew.

I hadn't realized I had gotten use to spending my days with Landon. Meeting up after work, going over to the rink to watch him teach the kids the skate. It had all become part of my routine the last two months.

How has it been two months? How could I have fallen for him so fast and so soon. I knew the answer to those questions before I fully thought them. I've known the answer for almost a year now. I fell for Landon a long time ago but didn't want to admit it to myself.

By time I pulled up to Josie's apartment building I was on the verge of crying. The elevator ride felt like it took ages as I blinked away the tears. My chest felt like it was concaving with everything.

Coming to Josie's door I gently knocked. The moment I saw her the damn inside of me burst.

"I messed up Jo." I cried, the tears I was holding back running down my face.

"Oh Lyd." She tugged me through the door and into a hug. I was beyond caring how pathetic I looked as I clung to Josie crying.

"Oh sweetie." I felt two more sets of hands rubbing my back. I didn't have to look to know Tasha and Sydni were here as well.