𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

27 | In My Head

*Now playing - Already Gone
by Sleeping At Last *

Flashback
I watched the color drain from his face as he stared at me with hurt and confused eyes.

I never wanted it to be like this and it's so easy to tell myself to forget about it, but it's so fucking hard to actually forget.

For months I allowed with insecurity to eat me alive and I trusted him, I did but there was always that voice telling me not to. That he was sleeping around again.

I knew when this all started we weren't officially together and yeah he could be with anyone else and it wouldn't be cheating but why did it feel that way?

In my heart he was mine and I had to sit there and watch him make out with other girls or hear stories about his fun night sleeping with someone. I felt sick to my stomach for months thinking about it, yet I let him in. Every day I allowed him to creep inside my mind as I gave him my body.

He always made me feel special but sometimes after we slept together I would watch him sleep and think
about who else did the same. Thinking they were his but he belonged to nobody but himself.

"I-I just can't" Jisung tried to reach for me but I stepped back. "Please"

Once the words left my mouth the second I got here it was like nobody else was on earth but us. Our worlds came crashing down as we—as I broke both of our hearts.

"Minho, I don't understand," Jisung said with tears in his eyes "What did I do?!" His voice was harsh.

"We're not happy!" I shout "Don't you see?" My voice was now little.

"I was happy," He said. Was, that struck me hard in the chest. "I was so happy but you have to understand I'm going through my own shit—"

"And I want to be there for you"

"Then stay!" He screams, making me flinch "Stay, or go" He kept me at arm's length and I hated it, it hurt. "I don't really care right now Minho"

"Oh"

Jisung shook his head, "That's not what I meant"

"I'll give you what you want then," I said, staring at him for a minute "I'll leave you alone" He stood quiet. He didn't fight for me or apologize, he just let me leave.

Tears streamed down my face as I walked out of the house, rain pouring as I hugged my body. No doubt I would wake up sick as my clothes got soaked instantly but I didn't care.

I had a raging headache and the only thing I cared about was my heart which felt empty. My life surrounded around Jisung and now I realize how insane that was but I didn't care, about anything but him.

I found myself not walking home but just around town, for hours until the rain stopped. It was like my feet didn't stop walking until my brain stopped screaming and it didn't seem quite there yet.

By the time the sun started to rise, I had made up my mind.

I pushed my insecurities aside again, like I always had and I turned around. I started my walk back to his house, muttering to myself all the words I would say and all the apologizing I would do.

I was nothing without Jisung. He was my first love, he is that and the thought of loving someone else made me want to puke. So, I was going to make things right, again.

I finally made it to his house and I stood in front of the front door, face puffy and body slightly shaking from the cold.

I knock "Jisung" I called out his name, "Look, I'm sorry" I apologize, leaning my forehead on the door "I know I've been in my head a lot recently and I'm sorry" I said with a shaky voice , "I've been such a shit boyfriend, I know that. I want to try and I want to be there for you, especially now" I felt a tear slip from my red hurting eyes "I just want you" I whispered.

I stayed there for a moment before looking up again and realizing I heard no movement inside, my brows furrowing "Ji?" I wiggle the door knob and the door opens. I frown at how unsafe it was for him to keep the door unlocked.

Walking inside, it was the same as when I left. "Jisung" I called out again, my feet walking upstairs and to his room. My shaky hands look around and my eyes land on something, making my heart stop.

I quickly walked to his dresser and it was empty, everything but his clothes was gone.

He was gone and that was the day my life went downhill.

*Now playing - Already Gone
by Sleeping At Last *