𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

02 | New Years Eve

*Now playing - Fire For
You by Cannons*

6 Months Later
"Happy New Year's Eve!" Hyunjin shouts happily, walking up to the group.

"Happy New Year's Eve," I said back. It was Chan's brilliant idea to celebrate New Year's Eve at a bar. He said something about not being home depressed when we could party hard and drink our feelings away... like that's better.

"We were just about to take shots" Felix slurs, already a few shots, and drink in.

"Y'all were gonna take shots, I'm babysitting" I roll my eyes at Changbin.

"Okay dad, babysit us," Felix says, making the group erupt with laughter.

The thing was, Changbin hasn't drunk in a while. Almost like he wants to feel everything completely sober and I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

Felix hands me and Hyunjin a shot, Chan already grabbing a shot a raising it "To a better year" He says.

I swallow harshly and force a smile "To a better year" We all repeat and raise our glasses before taking the shot. The warm liquid went down my throat and I hoped tonight the alcohol would affect me positively rather than negatively.

The next thing I know I'm singing karaoke with Hyunjin and Felix. Out of breath from dancing and sweat forming on my forehead.

"If I didn't know y'all, I would assume y'all would be famous" Seungmin says, he had gotten here from closing the cafe not long ago. Only sipping his drink.

My eyes dance around the room "I'm gonna go for some air" I said, walking away from the group and through the bar.

The cold breeze hit my hot body. I look around. Outside of the bar stood a few groups, laughing and conversing lowly.

I reach into my pocket and get out a pack of cigarettes. It was something I always told him was bad for him but still he continued and now I understood.

It was something I only did when I grew anxious and felt overwhelmed. It has become a habit that I didn't know would happen. It first started when I found a pack of his cigarettes in a box I was unpacking and later that night I had a breakdown and it ended with me sitting on the fire escape of my apartment, smoking with tears on my cheeks.

I inhale the smoke and lean against the wall of the bar. Exhaling and leaning my head on the wall and closing my eyes.

"Have another?" I open my eyes and look beside me. He was tall, with black hair from the looks of it—possibly dark brown but it was night so I couldn't tell.

"Not for you"

The male chuckles and nods "It's okay, I don't smoke anyways"

I furrow my brows "You think you're smart? Asking me for a cigarette just to talk to me"

The male shrugged "It worked didn't it?"

I inhale another drag and exhale "No, what if I gave you one? What would have been your next move?"

He scratches at his neck "I didn't think that through, actually"

I let out a breathy chuckle "Cute"

-

My back hit the wall harshly, my finger running through his dark hair. His lips were on mine, his tongue eagerly searching my mouth.

It was hot, so hot—but not hot enough. His body is on mine, cold hands roaming my body. my breathing was harsh and pull away from the kiss, feeling his lips go down to my neck. "No marks, I hate them," I say.

Making him pull away and look at me "Tryna' keep me a secret?"

I roll my eyes "Just suck my dick"

He smiles and bites his lip "Damn, you're really hot"

I swallow harshly and felt his hands undo my pants, getting on his knees and I look away, leaning my head on the wall of his dark apartment, the only light is from a lamp in the corner.

I moan lowly and close my eyes, it's felt good. But this wasn't the first time I got drunk and wandered off with a male that I didn't even know the name of.

He pulls away and stands up, leaning in for a kiss but I turn my head the other way "I-I'm not into that"

"No? Shit, sorry" I look at him and give him a small smile "You don't seem into none of this"

I pick up my pants and nod "Yeah, not really" I said, looking away. "I should go"

"You can stay, I don't mind. It's late" No, no, big no.

I shook my head "No, I should leave. I have children to attend to" I watch him noticeably tense and I laugh "Cats"

He lets out a breath of relief "Oh thank god"

I went to the door and look back at him "Bye" and with that, I left, it was nothing more than what usually happened.

Which was make out, this was the first time I had the took it further but still wasn't far enough for my liking. My mind just couldn't let me.

-

I close the door behind me and turn on the lights. Seeing the cats run to my feet and I look down "Don't look at me like" I groan. Walking to the couch and throwing myself down.

I stare at the ceiling and sigh. "Nobody is you" I mumble.

Nobody satisfied me like him. His hands, mouth, words. I think it also went along with how deeply I loved him, it made it all more intense. Every touch of his on my body ignited something in me.

Nobody made me feel what he did and I hate it. I hated that he isn't here and I hated that he left me, again but this time he wasn't coming back.

I wanted him, I always just wanted him and I was willing to do what it took but he blindsided me. He made me think everything was perfect and that things were going well. He fucking told me he loved me and then days later left me. 

I chuckle bitterly and felt a tear escape the corners of my eyes. "I fucking miss you"

*Now playing - Fire For
You by Cannons*

Thoughts?
I want to hear all of them