Just a Pucking Grumpy Goalie [COMPLETED]

Chapter 43 - Back home... but is it?

Kat

Mom opens the door as we're approaching the house. I burst into tears again. Being back home, knowing I can't go over to see my grandma next door, is another level of clarity.

"Oh, Kat. I'm so glad you're home. It's for the best, isn't it?" Mom tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. "It's just unfortunate that it had to be under these circumstances."

She hugs me in that half-hearted way that she does and I breathe in her familiar perfume. Not a hair is out of place on her head and her black pants and sweater are the definition of appropriate.

"How's dad doing?"

"Oh, he's taking it hard. We all knew it was a matter of time. But you can never really prepare for anything like this."

She moves over to JD and gives him a hug.

"What do you need, mom?" he asks.

JD is task oriented. Sometimes, I think he does it to avoid thinking about his feelings. He finds out what needs doing, and then he does it.

"I just need my children home with me." Mom ushers us into the house that somehow feels different now. I stop in the lobby and look at it with fresh eyes.

Sadness hits me as I realize it's changed. It will always be my home, but it's not the same anymore. I got a taste of being on my own, of creating my own life, and now I'm back here, in my parents' life.

There are flowers everywhere with little cards tucked into them. But even now, the place is spotless.

"Come on," mom leads us inside. "I made food. Well, I heated the food. Everyone keeps bringing casseroles and pies. I don't know why people do that. I suppose to help out. But I'd much rather spend an hour in the kitchen." She waves a hand. "It doesn't matter. You might want to get changed after lunch. We've been having a lot of visitors."

"Where's dad?" I look around as we head to the kitchen.

"He's in his study, probably on the phone with the funeral parlor. Or the lawyer. There is so much to get done, but he refuses to let me help him."

"I'll see what I can do," JD says.

"Ask him to come have some lunch. He hasn't been eating properly." Mom takes a pie from the oven. "It's cheese and potato from Mrs. Talbot down the street." I nod and she fetches a salad from the fridge. The table is already set, and somehow that makes me sad. Thinking of mom walking around alone, setting the table for us, while dad is in his office.

"Do you..." I clear my throat and sit down at the table. "Was anyone with grandma when it happened?"

"She was in the hospital. Your father just made it there. I was parking the car. It was so quick." Mom places the food on the table and fuzzes with the cutlery.

"That's good," I say, because that sounds like what I should say.

"She had written down all the arrangements for her funeral, so we don't have to worry about that." Mom laughs slightly. "She even wrote down what she wanted to be wearing, and she had the outfit dry cleaned. And she had spoken to the pastor's daughter about singing a couple of songs at the service."

"She never told me any of that." We talked about everything, but not once had she even hinted at the idea of her not living for many, many years yet.

"I don't think she wanted to burden anyone with it. She had written a note, saying how difficult it all was when your grandpa died and she had to make a million decisions that she didn't care about at the time."

"I'm really going to miss her."

"I know, sweetie. It breaks my heart that you didn't make it back in time for one last visit. But she was so happy every time she spoke to you on the phone. Did she tell you that? Every Saturday, those calls were practically holy. There was nothing that could keep her from calling you."

I sob a little as JD and dad join us.

"Katherine, I'm so glad you're home," Dad says and squeezes my shoulder before sitting down in the spot where he always sits at the dining table.

"How are you, dad?"

"Oh, I don't know. There's a lot to do."

I nod and we start eating.

"Speaking of being home," mom says. "I think we can just tell everyone that you took your grandma's passing hard, and that's why you'll be returning from UNI. There's no need to let everyone know the reason."

I stiffen, and the food in my mouth turns to inedible mush. I keep chewing and staring at the table until nausea rises and I have to force the bite down.

"What was so wrong about me finding a... a boyfriend?" Brick was never my boyfriend. But it's the only word I can think of to describe him that won't upset my parents.

JD huffs at his plate and I glare at him.

"You know very well that you didn't go to UNI to flirt with boys." Mom isn't looking at me. "We set out very clear rules for you and you broke them. I'm just glad your brother found out before anything happened."

I grit my teeth and stir the food on my plate.

"Let's not talk about that now," dad says. "We have enough to deal with. After all of this is done, we can talk about how to move forward."

"You're right." Mom leans forward and places a hand over dad's. "We will be getting visitors this afternoon, so I expect you both to be on your best behavior."

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. It's going to be a long rest of the week. And a long time until I can feel any sort of freedom again.

Throughout the afternoon, friends of mom, dad, and grandma drop by to offer their condolences. I cut flowers and put them in vases. When I'm not smiling an appropriately sad smile and thanking people I barely know for food and advice I don't need, I'm doing my best not to let anyone see me checking my phone.

Because I cannot believe that was the last time I saw Brick. There has to be a way to see him again. By evening, I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I barely eat at dinner and instantly excuse myself to my room.

I lie down in my familiar bed and stare at the conversation on the screen. The old messages are still there, but what can I say? That I miss him? That I wish we would have had more time? He would probably think I'm crazy if I went on about how I didn't want to leave him and want more than what he agreed to.

Because as I lie in bed, I remember that it was all an arrangement. He was supposed to take my virginity, and then it was supposed to be over. But at some point, I fell for him. And I fell hard. And in small glimpses here and there, I thought maybe he felt something similar. I thought maybe it was more than sex for him.

I close my phone and put it aside. Sighing, I turn on my back and stare at the ceiling.

And now, I will never know.