Just a Pucking Grumpy Goalie [COMPLETED]

Chapter 12 - Regret

Brick

She's here. I zone out and do a crap job at practice, because I can't stop thinking about her. I've seen her a total of two times. Saturday night in Boston, and Monday morning right here. At UNI. But it was almost like a different version of her. Gone was the sexy, sultry woman I had met in Boston.

"Brick!"

I blink out of my stupor and see the rest of the guys are headed off the ice. Still contemplating Kat, I follow them. It's Thursday today and we have a game tomorrow.

"What the hell was that Braker?" Coach stops me before I can retreat to the changing room. "Was that supposed to be you pretending to be a goalie? Because you could have fooled me."

"Sorry, sir. I've been a bit out of it."

"Leave that shit off the ice. Once you step into those skates, I need you to focus on the game. You got me?"

"Yes, sir."

His expression softens a bit, and he studies me.

"This isn't like you. Is everything ok? There's nothing going on at home, is there? Your mom is doing well?"

I can't help but think that if it had been Liam, or Ethan, or a number of the other guys, he would be shouting at them and making them come early tomorrow so they could run laps or do suicides.

Coach knows I'm no slacker, though. Everybody knows I won't let anything stand between me and the NHL.

"I'm fine, Coach. Everything is fine. I'll do better tomorrow."

He nods and I escape his squint.

I should have gotten her number. Does she go here? She had books. And a bag. And I think she went into a classroom. She has to go here. Maybe I should look for her?

What if she was only here temporarily? What if she's left and I'll never see her again?

What if I had two chances with her and blew them both?

I sit down to remove my equipment, ignoring the people around me.

No. I didn't blow anything, because there is nothing to blow. She's not for me and that's that. I'm just going to have to accept that.

"Hey, man. You ok?" JD stands in front of me. He's in a towel on his way to the shower.

"What?" It takes me a moment to realize he's talking to me.

"You're completely in your own little world. Did something happen?"

I could talk to him. But that's not me. I hardly ever share my personal affairs with anyone. Especially not when it comes to sex. Not after I over shared and I'm still getting teased for it.

"I'm fine," I say, and continue undressing.

"You sure? Because that was not your finest work today."

"I just... I'll do better tomorrow."

"Ok." He looks at me for a while. "If you need to talk, you can always just reach out."

I nod and ignore him. He hurries off to shower, joking and chatting with the other guys. I take my time and put all my equipment away before I grab a towel and head toward the steam.

Each shower is its own stall with doors that block most of the view. I pick an empty one and stand under the water to wash away any thoughts of her.

It's hockey season. No woman has ever distracted me from hockey and I don't intend to break that streak. I take a deep breath.

I should find her. Just so I can see her again. Maybe she'll be in the same class next week? I can't remember if I saw her there last week. I might have. No, I was right on time last week, so I went straight into the classroom. The week before?

I would remember if I saw her. I know I would.

There has to be a record somewhere of what class that was. I smile as I soap up. That should be easy to find. Some rooms even have a list by the door. If I know which class it was, then I'll know a bit more about what she's studying and if it was a one-time thing or not.

But I can't. There is no future here, so I need to just leave it alone. It doesn't matter if I see her again or not. None of that matters. Because I know from experience that good girls don't want me.

And that's just the way it is. I'm not going to make her look at me the same way Irene looked at me. Or Jessica. I don't want anyone to look at me like that ever again.