To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

What do you do when everything falls apart? (reg pov)

"I'm sorry."

I laughed at this shaking my head as tears formed "I was so excited," I say "it was stupid."

Barty shook his head looking out the window "It wasn't stupid."

"I didn't want him to react this way."

He sighed "I know reg, I know."

I looked back out the window again staring at the night sky, Barty's arms still wrapped around me, trying to shield me from myself.

When James came out of the locker room that morning, with his hair still wet from his shower, he ran up to the stand even though he must have been exhausted. He had changed into a loose-fitting red jumper and khakis. He no longer dressed in all black like he did with my friends. He almost always wore his house colors, something many Hogwarts students end up doing as they age. You might expect me to say I miss the all black angsty James but I don't. That's not saying that I didn't like that James because I did, he was my James Potter broken with the wounds still fresh. Now James was back to how he was before, or trying to be at the very least, he reconnected with my brother something that should have happened months ago, and I could shake the feeling that I might have been the reason it didn't happen sooner.

James ran up the stairs, a wide grin on his face illuminating his features in every perfect way. I looked around as he scooped me in his arms spinning me in the air just so happy, simply happy, I don't know why I make James Potter happy. "Put me down James." I laughed as he spung me in the air.

"Never." he said before he did put me down brushing my cheek with his thumb. I smiled sitting in his touch though it was brief. "What are you doing here?" he asked, not waving his happy demeanor.

"Oh, you know" I grinned letting myself bask in the brief happiness I knew I had left. "Just checking out the competition."

He smirked "oh really?"

"Yeah, heard the captain's hot." He smiled as he skimmed the field realizing we were alone; he took my chin in his hand and lifted it up before contenting our lips. It was a good moment, the kiss was about to deepen I could feel it as his tongue brushed agent my bottom lip, I pulled away forcing myself to slide out of his arms. "Yeah, the captain is defiantly hot."

He laughed, sneezing my hand we walked off the pitch in silence, both happy. I can't tell you about many happy moments in my life but that was one of them. Every moment with James was good and that's why it hurts so much, because I know he will leave.

I mean I have known from the star; we would never realistically work out in the long run, but it just felt so good. I don't know how to feel good and do it right, I don't know how to not mess it up and let it slip away, but I didn't want James Potter to slip away, anything but let James Potter leave.

I ran over how it would go down in my head over and over though out the day, when I showed him my mark, the inked snake and skull infecting my skin and stinging it. I pictured him angry then sad, sometimes I would let myself hope he would tell me we could work through it, I let myself be comforted by the thought. It was stupid, it was so stupid, but I let myself hope, to trust to be myself without a mask. I had never done that before.

Barty watched the cancel as well Evans snoring seeping through making Barty smile to himself still tracing stars on my skin. "Was it Sirius or James this time?"

I sighed squeezing my eyes shut "Both."

Me and James had spent that day together smiling and kissing, sneaking into the kitchens, snogging in the library. We were done kids one without knowing how little time we had left. The day was blissful like most days with James were. But every time I looked into his eyes, I asked to tell him to rip the bandage off and stop giving myself that leeway, just to let myself take away the thing I love most because I deserved it. I didn't deserve James Potter, ask anyone and they would agree, hell I think you do too.