TOUCH

Twenty One.

Jordan smokes after receiving a new perspective. It slowed down the thoughts and the questions, and the panic of being wrong. It made them hazy, almost none existent. But if she wasn't high enough, it intensified them.

Right now, she was on her first blunt, or barely so. She looked out the windows of her bedroom, staring at the moon and stars. She wasn't admiring their beauty, like most people would. She stared blankly, for a while she wasn't even sure what she was looking at.

She could hear Pal outside her room door, playing with his trucks.

Jordan wished she was in his mind. Only for a while. To have a mind free of worry. Free of the bitter truth of life. Free of insecurity, and worry, emotional anguish. Free of past trauma, and past feelings of hatred and regret.

She wished her only concern is to get the newest edition of a toy truck.

She wished she wasn't the way she was. She wished she didn't think the way she did. She wished she knew what it meant to be loved. Was it having clothes on your back and food in your stomach? Because orphans had that privilege as well, and nobody loved orphans. Not even their parents.

She wondered about her mother, Terry. She wondered if she ever thought of her, or Maya. Wondered if she missed them. Wondered if she ever thought of their well being. She probably didn't.

She wondered about her father. Wondered why he was so cold. Wondered why he treated her as though she didn't exist. Wondered if that was the way all father's treated their children.

She wondered about her mother, Lisa. She wondered if her love was just a facade. She wondered if she ever looked at Jordan, and separated her from her other kids, her real kids. Wondered if she would still love her if she wasn't Daniel's daughter. She wondered if that was all she was in Lisa's eyes. She wondered if she could trust her. She wondered if Lisa was doing enough, or were her expectations too low? Wondered if she should cut Lisa some slack.

She felt that Lisa should work harder to gain her trust. Ask more, express more concern. Lisa never did that. Instead she gave her space as if she'd asked for it. Sometimes she did, but that didn't mean she actually wanted space. Sometimes, she just wanted her to tell her no, and assure her that she would stay, even when Jordan was begging her to leave. It never happened, so she stopped expecting it.

She wondered if that was a good thing.

She wondered about her siblings. About Maya. Did she think the way Jordan did, since their upbringing was the same. Or is Jordan just different?

When her bedroom door opened she didn't care to turn, or ask who it was. But she heard the person seat themselves onto her bed. After that, she felt their eyes burn holes into the back of her head.

"So you smoke in here too? Wow, mom should really put up cameras. She'd be shocked at what goes on in her house." Liya said.

Jordan, ignored her presence. She wasn't in the mood to deal with her right now. Why were all younger siblings annoying? Did they do that on purpose, or was it just a personality trait they all seemed to have?

There was momentary silence, as Jordan continued to smoke. Liya hadn't moved from her bed, and she didn't seem like she intended to.

"You seemed to get home pretty late. Where were you? Miss Tates' house?"

"Get out." Jordan rasped.

"Not until I get answers."

Jordan turned to her, eyes red and sunken. She placed the blunt on her ashtray. An ashtray she stole from Daniel's office, which was meant for clients and guests.