The Sun

'Cuz'

I opened my eyes and light filtered into my dull gray vision. I felt dead. Will this headache never leave? His soft hello made me jump. I screamed and a short burst of fear flashed through me. I closed my eyes again gritting my teeth against the pain. “This sneaking up on a person has got to stop!”  My tone was sharper than I intended. “I’m sorry. I was just checking on you and bringing a fresh tray. I expected you to wake soon so I decided to sit and wait.”  My pulse was still racing and was it me or did he sound as if he had something else to say? I asked him. “Why would you want to wait for me to wake up?”

He had risen from the chair and was walking across the room. I couldn’t see very clearly but I could hear things being shuffled around. “Well I was thinking that it was time we were introduced. We should also decide on a name for you, unless you remember your own?”  He put something down on the little table. I felt unhappy about that. I was tracking his movements very carefully but even this close he was just a gray shadow with fuzzy movements. They were delayed somehow too. Like my eyes couldn’t keep up with him. They lost him for a while and then he would appear. It was frustrating. 

I realized that he was just sitting there waiting for an answer. “Can you see me?”  He asked.  “No. I … everything is still just gray fuzzy blobs. The only difference is that things just seem to fade in and out while I am looking at them.” He was silent for a moment. “Hmmm. That doesn’t sound good. As soon as the phone lines are up I’m calling the doctor.” His face leaned close to mine as if to see what I see. I held my breath. Man this guy needs to learn boundaries! I have not brushed my teeth or showered for weeks! Hello!!

He busied himself with the bowl he had put on the table. “Everything is still blown in and the hydro is still out. This blizzard really did a lot of damage. Even the television is down.”  He was peeling an orange and the smell was delicious. My tummy started to grumble. I couldn’t see the look on his face but I flushed anyway. He ignored it. “I spend most of the winter here so I am well equipped to deal with the storm. Plus I do search and rescue so I have plenty of emergency supplies. I have a generator and the previous owner dabbled in natural energy as a hobby so I have independent energy sources.” 

He split the orange into sections and put one against my lips. I opened my mouth and accepted it. The cold flavor burst over my tongue. It was very sweet and juicy. “Mmmm. Thank you.”  He put another piece to my lip before he answered. “Hey. No problem.”  I chewed that piece and another touched my lip. “So… What should I call you? Have you thought about it?” He put a few pieces of orange on a napkin and placed them on my open hand. I felt disappointed at that. I mean what girl doesn’t want a stranger, with a sexy voice, that she can’t see, to hand feed her sections of carefully peeled oranges?

His hands pulling on my shoulders brought my mental ramblings to an abrupt halt. “Sit forward so I can check your wound.”  He said. Then he added in a sheepish voice “My name is Jackson by the way, Jackson Davidson. My buddies call me J.D. for short.”  I felt my eyebrows rise. J.D.? Oh brother!
His hands were firm but gentle as he parted my hair. “You’ve a nasty gash on the back of your head. I shaved the area and stitched it. It’s not pretty but the infections almost gone and the hair will grow back. Sorry about that” he paused to untangle a knot. “You ok?” He picked up a brush and started running it through my hair, long gentle strokes. His nimble fingers had it plaited within minutes.

“Do you remember how you got it? The gash I mean.” He asked. I shook my head no but said nothing. His voice vibrated through my tummy. I took a deep breath as the sensations played havoc with my heartbeat. The contact with his hands was brief but I enjoyed it. I wanted to let my hair out and have his strong fingers massage my aching head instead I pulled the heavy braid over my shoulder.  I am in so much trouble I thought to myself. “Lord, please help me to act like a follower of Christ instead of an undisciplined girl…”

My whole body was humming and I prayed that it didn’t sound it in my voice as I asked “Do you think that it would be okay if I attempted a shower? I have a second fur coat growing on my teeth and a headache that seems to have taken up permanent residence in my head”. 

It was uncomfortably quiet while he pondered my request. The silence was a little charged too so all the reasons that it wouldn’t be a good idea began to trickle into my mind. I wanted to withdraw my question but he started to answer me.

“I don’t think that a shower is a good idea. The last time you tried to get up it didn’t work out so well.  I think a bath might be okay if you were careful about it. I must warn you. I have no intention of helping a strange woman have a bath. You might take advantage of me and I wouldn’t even know your name!”

His throaty chuckle had a warm quality to it. A big warm fuzzy took up residence in the pit of my stomach. There was no doubt about it. I was definitely attracted to this guy. Vision or no! I was inordinately pleased that I shared his humor. I am used to people looking at me like a freak most of the time (my humor being a little off the beaten track). Heck my own mother’s all too frequent gasp’s of horror had me convinced that my name was a swear word until I was 10! I knew it with a certainty despite not remembering my name.

I laughed a little nervously. “Well… I suppose I could use an alias. I wouldn’t want you to be able to give my secret identity away.” 

He laughed out loud at that and sat on the edge of the bed.  “Got any super powers to go with that secret identity?” He asked. I thought about that for a second.

“Well…” I grinned, “I can burp the alphabet. Does that count?”  He laughed at that in true merriment. “Tell me it isn’t so! Can you really?” 

I sat up straighter as the realization hit me. “Yes! I can! I remember!”  I laughed. “I have an older brother. No. A twin. Well… I guess that he is older than me. I can’t remember by how much but he is definitely older. He taught me how to burp the alphabet in junior school to impress this boy I liked. It’s been a great joke between us ever since.” 

I could hear the excitement in his voice. “That’s great! You have a twin? What is his name? Do you remember anything el… What is it? What’s wrong?”

Agonizing grief slammed into me. Hard. A pain so strong that it wrung a soundless sob from my lips. Hot tears flooded my eyes. He pulled me into his arms. He sounded frantic.  “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” His voice filled with concern.

I was crying so hard now that I couldn’t answer. I felt him lift me gently onto his lap. His hand stroked my hair as he rocked me like a baby. His soothing voice hushing me.   
By the time I was calm enough to talk I had a wicked headache. My eyes and nose were red and swollen and my skin was blotchy. I knew I look bad and I felt even worse. I hiccupped and stammered my way through his questions. The answer to most was the same - I don’t know.

“I’m not sure I understand. Start again from the beginning.” He said, passing me a tissue.   I blew my nose and sniffed. I tried to climb off his lap and back onto the bed, embarrassed now about my behavior. But, he just held me still.

“I’m not sure that I understand either.”  I said. “It’s mostly just flashes, you know? Bits and pieces that I can’t connect. They don’t really make sense.  I have this unshakable feeling that I am in danger. I know something terrible has happened.  Every time I wake up there is a vague feeling of terror that I cannot justify or explain. I just know that my brother is dead and that it has something to do with why I am here.”  I finished in a flat voice.

He just held me for a long time.
The atmosphere was somber but pleasant for the next few days. I recovered sufficiently to have a sitting bath which felt wonderful and aided in my recovery immensely. Jackson gave me my very own toothbrush, which I used too vigorously the first time and ended up spitting out a mouthful of blood. Still I felt like a new person and was comfortable in my own skin again. He also removed my stitches, pronounced my head to be whole (excluding the huge knot at the base of my skull that had not receded at all), and teased me mercilessly about my fuzzy wuzzy something or other. I even made it out of bed for very short walks around my room. Other than my sight I was progressing well.

The storm eased up and the night sky twinkled in all its brilliance, for she had not been admired for days. |I found a bible and Jackson read to me occasionally to pass the time. I loved hearing the word of God especially in Jackson’s rich timber.

The feeling of grief and unease never left me once though despite how safe I felt with Jackson, who had taken to calling me ‘Cuz. His explanation was humorous if simple and led to a night of very bad jokes and pun’s. The bantering had developed into a kind of light sexual tension. It was certainly not to imply familial relation and ease the tension between us as I had intimated but “simply be- Cuz…(he elaborated in his still very bad cowboy imitation) I still don’t know what ‘ers to call ya little missy.” ♥️