To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

Summertime sadness part one

I looked over to Narcissa the same way I did on the train station the last day of school those few weeks ago, she had her arms wrapped around herself as lusus held her waist on the love seat they shared, she merely nodded but it did so much.

I wanted to not think about James in that moment, not the look he always wore on lose long nights, not the smidges on his glasses not his touch. I needed him out of my mind, I had already pushed him so far out there I feared he would never return the same.

We still wrote letters no longer but they no longer held names, after I read them I now had to burn the parchment because of a close call with Cissy a couple days before. I wrote to James telling him this and he responded saying he was okay with anything to keep us safe, that was the first one I burned. I also tried not to think about what my family would do to James if they knew, I tried to ignore the blood I couldn't help but picture. 'Please forgive me mon soeil.'

I did not, however, push my brother from my thoughts, whether I wanted to or not was a different story. He still seemed to linger in the depts of the home, every corner and every room held some kind of coaction, every day I found myself brushing my fingers acrost his burnt tapestry. I missed him is what I'm trying to say.

I looked back to the dark lord, with a swift deep breath and a false pride, I said in the most confident tone I could muster pushing those people from my mind though it felt like I was ripping part of my soul "I'm in." as cheers and smiled fallowed I could only think of one thing 'forgive me mon soeil' I squeezed my eyes shut as people began standing turning to mingling, I could feel the cold hand slip from my shoulder as I could finally breath again.

Bellatrix came over to me teacup still in hand, her long fingernails clicking on the porcelain "I will expect we will start training next week."

I had to stop my eyes from going wide as I could feel the weight of the sun ring around a string on my neck grow heavier and heavier "training?"

She laughed I matched it "yes training you don't expect to survive a raid on your own, do you?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat "training would be beneficial."

"All right with days and locations but I want to get a word in with Lucius, I haven't seen him in ages. I'll see you at the meeting dark star."

"I'll see you, Bella." she smiled turning away and over to the long blond-haired man as they began talking. My mask didn't crack that day, not when I talked to my mother, not when taking to Narsissia, not when addressing the dark lord, not when echoing back toasts, not when more people began showing up, not when it turned into a spur of the moment pure blood party, or I don't know maybe my mother had been planning it all along as she mingled acrost the room from me.

'I'm so so sorry'

(James Pov)

I was between books, waiting for Regulus to return a letter, it was also raining, and I was bord. I spend my time now of days alone in my room, in the same hoodie I wore every day, and avoiding Sirius as I now did every day. The lines between munities and hours blurred together all wrapped up in the same branch of time, for all I knew years could have gone by and I wouldn't have noticed.

So, I decided to go through some old boxes in the attic, no one ever went in the attic, it was covers in spider weds and dust, it smelled like mothball soup and death. I recoiled as I went up the latter, it creaking ever so eerily. I opened a box labeled '1967' and found cloths and pictures from when I was 7 some old quidditch stuff nothing truly exiting. I went through some more boxes flipping through photo albums, I spent hours in there shifting through boxes and boxes of junk.