Nobody's Fool Y'all

54

Cousin B. could not have looked more like a peacock in her wedding dress. And as matron of honor, Hadley could not have looked more like a . . . 

Hadley didn't have the words to describe herself. She avoided contact with mirrors. She had given Maury an ultimatum, under the threat of death, not to snort or even smile. Maury informed Hadley that she put two small pebbles in her shoes, incredibly painful and uncomfortable.

"Good," said Hadley. "I wish I'd thought of that myself."

"I promise you whatever expression I wear on my face, it won't be a smile. A grimace, maybe. A smile, no."

"I can live with that," said Hadley.

"How's B.?"

"She couldn't be happier," said Hadley.

Hadley was intent on getting through this ceremony, even if it killed her. She would not hurt B.'s feelings for a million dollars. Lou Edna had given Hadley her word of honor that she would be on her best behavior, too. And when the beautician got out of her car, Hadley was surprised to see her friend dressed in a light gray suit. Very muted. Very classy.

Lou Edna saw the look that registered on Hadley's face.

"This is B.'s day, Hadley. I left my pink in the closet where it belongs. No one should be more radiant than the bride," Lou Edna said.

"I don't think even the sun is competition for B. today," Hadley said.

"Did you hear the news?" Lou Edna asked.

"What news?"

"They are tearing down the VistaView," said Lou Edna.

"What!"

"Yes," said Lou Edna. "Seems like all those underground rooms and tunnels dug during Prohibition have made the whole area unsafe. The paper said that there were twenty-six cottages, and Molly Lovelace's single one, that were slated to be demolished."

"Twenty-six," said Hadley. "That can't be right."

"Good thing I don't have pyorrhea," said Lou Edna. "I caught that, too. And I almost dropped my teeth when I heard twenty-six. The newscaster went into the background of the old motor court. It seems that the cottage No. 27 was torn down sometime in 1929. It was pretty much destroyed by the gunfire in the shootout involving Melrick Andersen. Too many people thought it was haunted. Then, the market crashed, and nobody had any money for motor court vacations for a long time."

"Then, that means . . ."

"I don't want to talk about what that means," said Lou Edna. "Remember, my birthday is in two days. Tripping the age-o-meter is about all my pea-sized brain can handle. I cannot brood about last weekend and all that happened. It's unexplainable. My head would burst like a melon if I thought about it too much. Anyway, Elwin is doing all he can to keep me out of debt. He has taken away the remote. He's disconnected my television for the week. My credit cards are in his wallet, but not before I had the chance to purchase some things to get me through these next few harrowing days. I've bought a case of grenadine and ginger ale and bags of oranges and jars of maraschino cherries."

"Sounds like you're going to drown yourself in Shirley Temples," said Hadley.

"You bet," said Lou Edna. "My suit may be drab, but give me a little time. My skin will be hot pink from all that grenadine oozing out my pores! Won't I be something!"

"Uh-huh. I'll come over and help you celebrate. I haven't had a Shirley Temple since I was a teenager!"

"I'm holding you to that," said Lou Edna. "Do you think they'll ever put together what really happened to Molly Lovelace?"

"I don't think so," said Hadley. "From what you just told me, Robert Onslow will have his hands full with a mountain that's been riddled like Swiss cheese. I'm glad Bill discovered that Percy was stealing funds from both Hope Rock County and the timber business. That notion I've heard floating around town that Percy, Bo Dean, and Nylette are off on some South American beach somewhere is about as logical as anything we could add. Nobody in their right minds would believe the truth."

"Truth really is stranger than fiction," Lou Edna muttered.

"It looks like we're all here," said Hadley. "I've got to go see if B. needs anything. Wish me luck. As soon as the couple sets off, I'm going to burn this outfit."

"Not before I get a few pictures, you won't," said Lou Edna.

"How could you, Lou?"

"What do you mean? Hadley Jane Pell! I have to get a record of this. Nobody on the good Lord's earth will ever believe it. Me in gray. Did you ever think you'd live to see the day?"

"Well," said Hadley, "you can get a few pictures after the ceremony, but I am serious about sending this outfit I'm wearing to ashes as fast as I see our cousin's taillights turn onto the highway."

"You are a sore sight," said Lou Edna. "Now that you mention it, I do feel like I'm standing right next to the Las Vegas strip on a moonless night."

"Don't get me tickled! You promised!"

"Here," Lou Edna said. "Take this, and wear it during the ceremony. But after it's over, give it back. I had Beacon down at the jewelry shop fix this up. It's my lucky charm."

Hadley let Lou Edna fasten the chain to her neck.

"I'll be sure to give it back, Lou. Thanks."

Hadley felt the celluloid button against the skin of her chest. Suddenly, it felt as if she could get through this wedding ceremony with a straight face. A sense of relief washed over her.

"Well, it's show time. Wish me luck," she said.

"Break a leg," said Lou Edna. 

The End

The Hadley Pell Cozy Mystery Series:

1. Nobody's Sorry You're Dead

2. Nobody Knows Your Secret

3. Nobody Can Say It's You

4. Nobody's Fool Y'all

5. Nobody Says It's Easy