Nobody's Fool Y'all

24

 "Gangster's ball!" Lou Edna hollered. "That's even better. I'm in. How 'bout you two?"

"I dunno," said Maury. "I'm an early bird. That means I hit the sack right after nine."

"Fiddlesticks," said Lou Edna. "You can't mean to tell me you are going to let a chance like this pass you by? Maury, you can catch up on your beauty sleep when we get back home. Right now, it's celebration time! We are on a lark! An adventure! It's the kinda' thing that keeps you out of the old folks' home, Maury! A party will get our blood pumping!"

"By midnight," Maury said, "I'll be a zombie."

"No, you won't. We'll stoke your furnace on caffeine. Soda or black coffee. Your choice," said Hadley. "Lou Edna's right. We came up here to have a good time. A few drinks and some good food with some late night revelers is something we don't do every day."

"You got that right," said Lou Edna. "Come on, Mo. Don't tell me you didn't pack your party panties. I don't want to hear you've left them at home with your pillow."

"Oh, dear," said Maury. "I can see the handwriting on the wall. Outnumbered two to one. If I decline, I'll never hear the end of it, will I?"

"Not as long as the Beauty Boutique stays open, you won't," said Lou Edna.

Hadley solemnly shook her head no.

Maury grinned.

"Okay. I'm in. But I might need a little nap about nine to make sure my face doesn't flatten on the bar shortly after the stroke of 12."

"Agreed," said Hadley. "Now, let's see the rest of the accommodations."

Hadley checked out the bathroom. The floor was covered with large black and white tiles. There was an intricate column of pipes with a square white ceramic tub underneath.

"What on earth is that contraption?" Lou Edna asked.

"A shower," Hadley said. "I think."

"Do you really think that the curtain and that basin will catch all the spray?" Maury asked, examining the column of pipes.

"We won't know until we try it out," said Hadley.

"Look at that toilet," said Lou Edna.

"It looks like an old-time water closet," said Hadley.

"It does give you a feeling of stepping into a time capsule," said Lou Edna.

"Yeah," said Maury. "Art Deco flea market. I wonder if Mr. Bates got his degree in motel management here." 

"Oh, sis," said Hadley, "I know it's not the Ritz, but the room's paid for. Let's try to make the best of it, shall we? You and me and Lou and a gangster ball."

"Whatever you say," said Maury. "But I still can't help but feel you could have gotten better rates down at Brinkley's garage. Watching DVDs in the grease pit is something you don't get to do every day either. Maybe, we could have even persuaded Brinkley to put your '55 on the lift. Nothing like having a few tons balanced over your head while you sip stale beer and munch greasy chips in your lawn chair where the grease monkeys live."

"Do you think the sound from the speakers would echo off the walls of that hole?" asked Lou Edna.

"Armpits and zits!" Hadley said. "Will you two at least try to make the best of this?"

"You're right," said Maury. "It ain't the surroundings that make the trip. It's the company you keep."

"Drats," said Lou Edna.

"What is it?" asked Hadley.

"The bulb's burned out over the vanity mirror," said Lou Edna. "How will I ever see to do my C & C?"

"Go dust out your navel lint," said Hadley. "I'll call the front desk for maintenance."

"I'll send Andy right over," the reception clerk said.

Andy turned out to be a young blonde man in overalls and a denim work shirt. He carried an old battered wooden toolbox. The dowel handle was black with age and hand oils.

Andy didn't say a word. He entered the room and went straight to the mirror, replacing the bulb in less than a minute. Tipping his hat, he retreated from the room.

"Well, that was fast. I wonder if he was mute," said Lou Edna.

"Probably just backward," said Hadley.

"What is it, Maury?" Hadley asked.

"What do you mean?" asked Maury.

"You look like you've swilled a bottle of Cod Liver oil," said Hadley.

"Something about that man gives me the willies."

Maury shuddered.

"He reminds me of that creep who attacked Janet Leigh in the shower," said Maury.

"Oh," said Lou Edna, "wasn't she the most gorgeous thing in that movie? I copied her hairstyle and wore it for months."

"Oh, don't be silly," said Lou Edna. "That guy in the movie was twenty years younger than our Handy Andy when he did all that awful stuff."

"That's two decades more that he's had time to practice his carving skills," said Maury.

"Carving skills," said Lou Edna. "That's gross."

"Stop being paranoid," Hadley said.

Maury let out an ear-piercing scream.

"Look! A peeping Tom!"