Nobody's Fool Y'all

14

Hadley taped her cat's feeding schedule onto the refrigerator. Beanie would be sure to find it there. She left the cans of food out on the counter with instructions to step into the garage to open them. 

There was no need to explain that opening the cans in the kitchen would turn Onus into spinning helicopter blades. Beanie would read her directions and do as she said. He was good that way. There were bags of litter in the garage and a note to remind Beanie to clean out the box at least twice a day.

As usual, Onus ignored her as she packed and prepared for a few days away from home.

"Onus," Hadley said, "you be nice to Beanie. He's been kind enough to agree to care for you. Don't pounce on his head or knead his scalp while he's asleep. Be kind. You hear me. I mean it. Beanie's a friend. Your friend. And Beanie's our guest. Remember that. Just treat him better than you do me, and everything will be alright."

Not that it would take much for you to treat him better than me, Hadley thought.

She glanced in the mirror.

"Onus, I think I'll call the beauty shop and see if Lou Edna can work me in. I've got time. These ends could stand a trim before I set off. I'm looking pretty shaggy. Maybe she can suggest some way to hide this doggone scalp wound, too."

Onus was staring out the window.

"I'm calling Lou Edna, right now."

"Girlfriend, this is your lucky day!" said Lou Edna. "Nylette can't make it. She's overbooked her calendar. Something about Percy wanting her there for a mayor's powwow he's having. Last minute thing, per Nylette."

"I'll be there in ten minutes," said Hadley, donning a cap.

"How busy can Percy be? This is Hope Rock County, for goodness sake! Probably wants her to dust down the office! Hah!" said Lou Edna. "Okay. See you soon."

Hadley rang off. Onus was still in the room. Good time to deliver that lecture to him.

"I'm going to pick up Beanie later and bring him over. Remember Onus, mind your ps and qs. And try not to scare the poor man. Staring holes into him will not get you any more cat food. Beanie will follow my instructions. See here on this line. NO EXTRA FOOD. I wrote it in all capitals. Beanie won't think of disobeying that rule. He thinks all capital letters are tantamount to signs from God."

She looked around the kitchen.

"And forget the treats while I'm away. I've hidden them. Some of those things tend to tear up your digestive system. I don't want Beanie to have to deal with that while I'm away. Don't hang on the curtains. Please! Wait until I come back to pull your tricks. I know Beanie. He'll feel responsible if you did something like that. Beanie is a naïve soul. He still believes you're a nice cat."

Onus stared at her over his shoulder. Was she crazy? Good riddance, his half-closed eyes seemed to say.

"But we both know differently!"

*****

The Beauty Boutique was packed with women of all ages in various stages of wash, dye, perm, and dry. The instant she opened the door, Lou Edna summoned her friend to the back. The back of the beauty shop held two small rooms. One was a storeroom filled with cases of all the secret ingredients that made Lou Edna a witchin' beautician.

There was nothing secret about the ingredients she used on her customers. But according to Lou Edna, hair styling was more art than beauty products. Hadley was one of the few regular customers who remained unconvinced. That Beautiful Doo hairspray could hold up bridges. In midair! Without foundations!