Love Me Again

16

JENNIE'S POV

I stared at the clock on the wall without a blink until the shorter hand pointed to another, I rose to bed quietly afraid to wake up the two soundly sleeping men beside me.

I lingered my eyes for a while before a desperate curve lined my lips.

I am happy, right?

I decided to wore Krystal's pants and shirt and before I walked out of the room I went close and pictured the precious sight once more.

Kai was hugging Kyler, and the young boy smiling at his sleep.

I kissed Kyler on his head and planned to leave the room before a hand softly held to me.

"Jen?"

Kai uttered with a hoarse voice.

"Sleep more, I'm going."

He closed his eyes and met mine pitifully.

"Why won't you stay? For Kyler?

I looked down and disagreed.

"Lisa is waiting."

I simply answered.

He kissed my hand and let me go.

"Come back safe."

I unwillingly nodded and gasped for air as I exit the room. I should be happy but why am I suffocating. This is what I needed and wanted, don't I?

A few more breathes until I was in my car staring past the windshield. I was caught in a deep thought before I turned my phone on and started the engine.

Series of notifications appeared, 25 messages came from my wife.

'Jen, have you had your lunch? The meeting has only finished, I am with my secretary and guards eating on a japanese restaurant. Do you desire any? I would bring it to you.'

Sent 1:23 PM

Her first message since the afternoon.

'Where are you, hon? They said you were out early I was hoping I could take you home. Please be safe, I am going.'

Sent 7:40 PM

Lisa went to the hospital?

'Goodnight baby, I am still waiting.'

Sent 1:02 AM

I was horrified when I look at my watch, it is already past 3. I wasn't aware of the time, I just simply went on a day everyday since my son died wishing it would soon end.

At work, I keep my phone off barely answering calls and texts of people trying to have me consoled.

Even from Lisa, especially her.

She reminds me so much of Ellie. I cannot look at her. They were spitting image of one another, that every time I see her, hear, or touch for a second my mind automatically creates a barrier.

It guilts me to treat her harshly every single day, I am a terrible wife.

But I cannot help it. I doubt I would ever heal from it. Lisa has always been my greatest love, my companion, the mate of my soul.

And there is Kai, my first love.

He lost his wife, and I lost my child. He helped me through these tough times. We began contacting one another after Ellie's burial.

He would tell me his mourn for Krystal, and I would cry to him of my child's demise.

And then we met once, he fetch me from work. He brought Kyler and immediately I am smitten to hold him close. He is a sweet boy, he told me how he misses his mother so much.

As how I missed my child dearly, I let him treat me his mother.

Kai did not disagree, and happily accepted me. It made me happy for these five months roll, while I disintegrate from my wife.

I needed her absence, so I may feel more.
I could not tell this to her, it is stupid I don't wanna see her voluntarily go.

I want to keep her on my side not far nor too close.

I love her but right now, she is a poison.

I arrived at exactly 4 AM. The house was still as quiet as it was when I left. There were a few maids living with us before, but Lisa and I decided to be a family more by tending independently to us three.

At least, when Ellie was still here.

I took Krystal's clothes off and went to shower, the breeze was already cold but I had the water set on a lower temperature. I was shivering on my feet before tearfully I sat on the tiles and bent my knees.

What happened to our lives? What am I doing?

It broke my heart to see Lisa's dried tears and her exhausted grip on my pillows. As if I was there, as if it is something that she could still hold on to.

As if her wife was inanimate, and she could keep it close.

I cried for a few more before wrapping my body and soon I lied beside her.

The moonlight was perfectly emphasizing her features. Her soaked cheeks with a pale red, her lips slightly parted made of grief.

How beautiful, how pitiful.

I can only gently tuck her body more towards the cover.

I leaned close and kissed her temple, muttering my apologies that would impossibly bandage her soul.

Before I turned off the lamp, I saw our picture turned down.

Then I let it be.