their lilith 18+ ✔

chapter thirty five

' old dirty toys'

I hated this room even more than the white one.

than the basement with all the blood, vomit and shit. I hated it more than anything. it reminded me of that disgusting vile cruel monster.

of everything that was taken from me and all he had done to me.

in here I knew only one thing for sure . I was either going to kill myself or him. that was all I needed to know to reassure myself.

you will not suffer for too long.

you will either die or be free.

both were the same by now. I knew even if I were to get out of this hell hole I would be haunted, tormented, broken beyond repair. I would be alone. maybe I would have Katya but even she was loyal to the very men who had left me for the first woman they could find.

the pictures were torn and shattered on the floor, no one bothered to remove them and I physically couldn't bring myself to stand from the chair by the window which had become my resting place.

looking out over the dead fields of dried grass.

this house was in the middle of nowhere. only fields of dried grass and tress turning brown and yellow colors.

I have never hated autumn as much as I did now. never hated silence as much as I was now.

I hated everything and everyone.

I was such a nice kid, why did they have to ruin me? first my mother, then my father, then my brother, and my sister even though she would admit it she knew too, and then the stupid Salvador for making me love them just for them to leave me-

how was that fair?

I had been everything that was ever asked of me, I had been an obedient little girl.

yes I had snapped at strangers trying to push me around , and to girls acting like fools and whores. but I had been everything I was asked.

I had been the pretty little rich girl with a politician dad, and a lawyer mum. I had been standing by the front door every damn night waiting patiently for my parents to come home so I could wish them a great night and ask about their day.

I had brought my brother gift from my own hard earned money every Christmas and every year on his birthday I had been a silent little sister who never did him wrong or spoke up, I had made sure I wouldn't embarrass him or make him out to be a bad brother.

I had watched my sister leave me all alone without as much as begging her to stay because I knew that it was best for her to leave, I had covered for her sneaking out, I had told her I loved her and that she was my favorite sister even if I only had one, I had let her dress me up and put me to bed even though most nights I could not sleep, I had let her think she was a great sister.

I had been kidnapped and still I managed to see the good in four monsters of men!

foolish as that was I loved them, I had been silent and obedient, I had handed everything I had to give on a silver platter for them and they had taunted it and thrown it to the ground.

they had made me a common whore to pass around.

but truly there were no one but me to blame.

I should've known better, I really should've. I should've letting go of my need for my parents approval the first time my mother locked me in my room to starve, or the first time my father raised his hand to hit me.

I should've ignored my brother the minute he began to bully me and beat me I should've ratted him out to the school. I should've saved myself.

I should begged and pleaded my sister to stay and safe me, so I wouldn't have to be all alone in that awful house. I should've told her everything and I should've made her take me with her.

I should've fought harder when they took me away from my friends and my life I should've never fallen for their stupid games no I should've run for the hills the second I had the chance.

stupid, foolish, naive me.

maybe if I had done those things I wouldn't be sitting here locked up in a house filled with dirty unholy, disgusting men.

maybe then this wouldn't be my life right now, maybe then I would be living normally and happily.

maybe this was for the best.

locked up with my thoughts and nothing else, so I could finally see that I had been foolish, I had been outright stupid, for ever trusting men such as the Salvador.

my trust in my family could be excused as a child's nativity. but not the Salvador.

no that had been stupidity.

plain and obvious stupidity. I realized that now. and that was all it took to make the decision that had been haunting me for months now.

I loved them to greatly to let go of the delusion, but I was exhausted if this was the only way then it had to be done.

even if it meant they would suffer. I suppose that would be my revenge.

'' hello sweet girl'' that sickly old dirty voice called out the sound of footsteps approaching and then dirty hands grabbing my face forcing me too look into dead lust filled eyes that made me want to gag and vomit all over myself. '' you look DeVine as always''

sick compliments that made me want to burst out crying and sobbing.

'' have you changed your mind sugar?'' he asked as he did every day and every night when he came in here with his creepy smirk and horrible intentions.

I gulped. '' I'll do it'' my voice was barely above a whisper, hoarse from the lack of use.

his eyes lit up like a child who had just been promised a new shiny toy.

and it was no question what that toy was.

me.

only I wasn't shiny or new.

I was used, broken and dirty, every inch of my body was tainted and bruised. '' I am glad you changed you mind now the real fun can begin '' he said sickly sweet before grabbing my arm pulling me up before throwing me on the bed.

silent tears streaming down my face pleads and prayers going unheard as he did what he had done so many times before.

'' its such a shame we had to cut out the baby, but don't you cry sugar I'll put a new one in you'' he said and all I wanted to do was scream and shout.

but what did it matter?

no one would hear, no one would care. I was alone.

this was all I was now, a whore to be used and abused. to be cut open and bruised. maybe this was all I was deserving off.

Pain and suffering.