Closeted | Boy x Boy

~Dreiundzwanzig~

The comforting smell of espresso and sweet caffiene did little to distract me. I wanted to spend time with Oliver, but stupid Jay Salazar was distracting me. He had been all morning. I couldn't stop thinking about him, how he walked out on me, and what he said to Marley. Was he jealous? Or was he just fucking with me? Did he care? Or did he just want to have a bit of mean fun? Was I just a plaything to him?

A fly buzzed around my coffee, and I shooed it away.

Oliver smiled sadly. "I can tell you're distracted. Is something wrong?"

I looked up at him, then down at my drink. "I'm so sorry, Ollie. For how I treated you back in second grade."

Oliver scoffed. "Please, I would've done the same thing."

I looked up, startled. "What?"

"Abe, we were just kids. When I came out, they all treated me like shit. You saw the truth. If you helped me, you would be treated the same. As far as I knew, you weren't able to move away like I was, so I figured you wouldn't be able to escape any of the harassment or bullying. But you ended up moving anyways. How come?"

I shrugged and sipped at the coffee. "They assumed. They all assumed I was gay, and my dad left because of it. He had pretty bad anger issues, so there really wasn't any surprise there, you know? It still kind of hurt."

Oliver frowned. "Oh, Abey, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I think. Mom says he was a douchebag anyways.

Oliver stirred the straw in his drink with a puzzled look on his face. "You know, I expected you to be sort of a douche bag yourself. I mean, I get you didn't want people to hate you the way they started hating me, but I figured that would like continue the rest of your life. Needing people's validation."

I ducked my head. "It did. I'm popular, you know. One of the most popular people, I guess, and up until like literally yesterday I cared a lot about what people think. I still do, but I have Marley and..." I blinked. "And I have Jay."

Oliver smiled at me. "That's great! Jay sounds like a really good person. I like watching his videos and seeing him post. You know he posted you last week?"

I blinked. "When? Wait, what?"

I craned forward over the table to see Oliver's phone as he opened up a social media app and pulled up Jay's page. I waited for all of the pictures to load, tried not to stare at the thirst traps, and waited for Oliver to pull up a photo. Sure enough, it was of me and Jay, when we cuddled for a few moments on my floor. I had only closed my eyes for a minute or two, but he must have snapped a picture of me when I did. He had a fond smile on his face as his arm was wrapped around me and my head rested on his chest. There was no caption or anything, just that picture without any context. Nothing there told me how he felt about it or why he posted it. 

I blinked slowly, staring at the photo in surprise. I should be mad. I mean, Jay didn't ask my permission to post it, and he never told me, but I had to admit that he looked really happy when he was holding me. His eyes were shining and his usually steely gaze softened as he watched me curl up next to him. I remembered how safe I felt, sitting next to him. Stupid Jay... I thought. I didn't want to admit it, but I missed him. I missed his lips, and his big, strong arms, and his gray eyes and soft white hair. His smooth torso and his bumpy abs. I wanted to explore his body the same way he ran his hands over mine, but he was mad at me now. What could I do other then wait for him to cool down?

"You look really happy," Oliver commented, sliding the phone towards him.

I nodded. "Yeah..."

Oliver smiled at me. "You know, you treated him kind of weirdly when I showed up. Why'd you tell him to leave?"

"He was mad at me before you arrived. He chose the girl that threatened me, instead of me, to be friends with. He has jealousy issues, and I figured I'd get back at him by making him think I'd rather hang out with you. He was even jealous of Marley at first, and she's a lesbian."

Oliver rubbed his face with his hand. "It sounds like you two need to make up."

I sighed and hid my face in my hoodie. "I don't know how," my muffled voice sounded through the fabric. "He started it. Making me think he cared, and then choosing Charlie over me. Charlie said he liked me, and that's why she was jealous, and then he goes and decides that he'd rather hang out with her instead."

Oliver shook his head. "No, there's no way. Jay likes you, I know it, this Marley knows it, which means that you must have misunderstood something. There's no way Jay would choose Charlie. He's gay, anyways. Wouldn't he choose the guy he can cuddle and kiss over the backstabbing bitch that threatened him?"

I sighed. "I don't know... I just.." I groaned. "Ugh, damnit! I fucking miss him, Ollie. I miss him a lot, and it's only been a couple days but I just can't get him out of my head. I don't know what to say to him to make it better, and I'm too scared of what he'll say to me. What if he tells me that he likes Charlie?"

"He's gay-" repeated Ollie, cupping his hands around his mouth. 

"I don't know that! Maybe Charlie is an exception."

"That's not how it works," Oliver said, a little frustrated. "Trust me, I know. You should, too. You are gay, aren't you?"

I nodded meekly. "Yeah, for like, two days."

Oliver looked at me in surprise. "Oh- oh, oh what? I thought- I mean, after I left, I always assumed you were gay now. Maybe closeted or something but nonetheless gay. You actually just figured it out?"

"I was scared. I thought anyone I told would leave me like my dad did. And look what happened, Jay left me, Marley got mad at me, it's all such a mess. I wish I had never told Jay, and I wish I had never kissed him," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "I never should've trusted him. I didn't trust him in the beginning, and he tricked me. I thought he cared about me." I looked up at Ollie through teary eyes. "I really thought he cared..."