The Good Enough Friend (YA)

Chapter Thirty - October 25, 2019 [✔]

I was wrong. I wouldn't be alright. Every corner I turned, a head of brown hair or a whiff of Belus cologne reminded me of him.

In the middle of second period—AP Salsingo History— I excused myself. My hands were solving an imaginary rubix cube and I couldn't focus on the lecture. I told Mr. Anderson I was experiencing menstrual issues. His face went red and he shooed me out of the room.

I called Zeriah in a secluded stairwell.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," I whispered.

On the sixth ring, she answered, "Are you okay?"

"Can you meet me by the brown staircase on the second floor?"

"Okay. Brown staircase. Second floor."

She entered the double doors a few minutes later. Her steps were quick and light.

"I cut him off," I couldn't say his name.

"Forever?" Her eyes darted from my face to my jittery hands.

I wasn't thinking forever when I called it quits. He was being petty and my anger consumed me.

"I don't know," I squeezed my eyes shut. "I didn't. I wasn't. I. Thinking. Just happened."

Zeriah nodded at my incoherent rambling."What'd he say?"

"I walked off," Tears were free-falling.

Zeriah held out a handkerchief, "You didn't give him a chance to say his part. Once you've heard it, then decide if you want him out of your life for now or for good. It'll give you closure."

She knows everything.

"How are you this well-adjusted?" I said in between sniffles.

She patted the wrinkles in my shirt, "When you're my age, you'll understand."

Zeriah returned to class and I was ugly crying in the stairwell. I dabbed at my face with the handkerchief, wiping away slimy snot, and thick tears.

I held my head down when I returned to class. I was gone for a while. Mr. Anderson droned on about whatever it was he was droning on about. His words went in through one ear and out of the other.

My mind raced.

The cologne he wore.

The back of his head.

The gruffness of his voice.

His bone-crushing hugs.

All engraved in my brain.

I couldn't erase his presence from memory. I loved him that much.

How was it possible? To be that angry at him, but hold an ocean's worth of love for him at the same time. It was the kind of conflicting emotion one had for a sibling.

We were tethered to each other. Somewhere along the path, I lost myself. I had stopped living for me and was living for him. I chose him too many times. We were toxic. Septic. I wanted out. No, I needed out.

I had to face him in third period—Physical Education. I changed into my gym shorts and t-shirt. We were doing yoga today. I grabbed a mat from the storage room and found a spot in the corner.

The yoga room had high ceilings and mirrors on opposite sides. A large projector for showing videos and dim lighting.

I watched the entrance like a hawk. Every time a classmate walked in, I assumed it would be him. I was as ready as I'll ever be.

Wyatt spotted me and stepped over stray limbs and water bottles. "I'm sorry. I was pissed you went ghost." He dropped to the floor. "It won't happen again." His hair went in every direction as if he'd been pulling it.

Ms. Reyes instructed us to move into downward dog. I touched my toes and walked my hands forward. If I wasn't distressed, I would laugh. We were having the most serious conversation in our lives while doing yoga.

I told him we needed a break. I couldn't keep pretending like it was normal to second guess every choice I made, in hopes that he would give it the okay. He would do whatever it took to fix us. He said I was the most important person in his life and he had no idea I felt that way.

I turned my head to side during our cat-cow, "You showered me with love in ways that my parents never did. You made me believe I was good enough. At a certain point, I started putting my decisions in two categories: Wyatt will like it and Wyatt won't like it."

I couldn't believe how well he was taking it. Wyatt's temper was like no other but he was listening. He was hearing me out.

"You need space." his voice cracked. "Being around me hurts."

"Y-yeah,"

"How long? I can't go on without you," he pouted.

A classmate said, "Can you wrap up this K-drama? I'm trying to reach the astral plane."

Wyatt stuck up the middle finger, "Fuck off!"

"After winter break,"

"3 months?" his breath quickened. "Like 3 actual months?"

I moved from warrior I to warrior II in a quick motion. "10 weeks. It'll be like the summer you went to Sweden."

"I'll be brave for you,"

"For us,"

"For us,"

"One last thing," I lowered my voice as low as it could go. I cupped my hands around his ears. "Our crush is bisexual." My heart pitter-pattered in my shirt.

He toppled over.

"Wyatt! Weak core. Poor Balance. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk." Ms. Reyes said.

He stared in disbelief, "May the best man... woman... person win," he stammered. "Good luck."

"Good luck to you too," Although, pursuing Milo when I was in a fragile state wasn't the right move. It was time to work on myself. Zeriah suggested therapy and it was looking like a good idea. Only a professional could fix me. This would be the start of my journey to becoming whole again.

Truth be told, I didn't know who I was without Wyatt but I was ready to find out.

(A/N) A friendship breakup hurts especially when that person is like family to you. Have you ever had to cut off a friend?