The Good Enough Friend (YA)

Chapter Twenty Seven - October 20, 2019 [✔]

I vomited again in the car before Henry dropped me off at home. The stench seared itself into my brain. Bits of unchewed cilantro stuck to the bile on my upper lip. I could barely move. He walked me to the door and I gave him a hundred dollars for his troubles. I wasn't sure how I made it up the stairs. It must have been muscle memory.

I entered the spacious bathroom and took off my shirt.

I loaded a goop of toothpaste on my toothbrush and started brushing my teeth.

Penelope's threat of ruining my entire life rattled me to the core. She had the upper hand the entire time. I was so stupid.

I couldn't believe I sold my soul to the devil.

She pieced it together.

Why else would I be asking about Milo's sexuality?

She could out Wyatt.

And it would be all my fault.

My bedroom was connected to Zeriah's bedroom through this shared bathroom. She pushed open a side door and came into the bathroom with me.

I spat into the toilet. A bit of blood was mixed with the foamy toothpaste. I rinsed my mouth with hydrogen peroxide. The sting in my mouth was nothing compared to one in my heart.

"What's that smell?" she covered her nose with her tank top. "Are you purging? You know bulimia can cause a ruptured stomach. Not to mention teeth decay..."

I was not in the mood for a lecture on eating disorders. All I could think about was what would happen if Penelope revealed my secret or Wyatt's secret.

You'll be all alone.

Again.

You can't go through that again.

You're not strong enough.

You need him more than he needs you.

Do whatever it takes.

To keep him by your side.

The negative thoughts were consuming me.

I touched my cheek. Salty tears slid down my face.

The next thing I knew Zeriah wrapped her arms around me and I was sobbing into the space between her shoulder and her collarbone. "Zay, I'm here. I'm right here."

Slimy snot oozed out of me and onto her shoulder. My breath quickened and breathing became more difficult.

"I'm so fucking stupid!"

"I'm sorry you're hurting."

She's sorry.

My head snapped up, hitting her chin in the process. "Why are you sorry? You didn't do this," I stepped back and I looked at her. "I did this! I fucked everything up!"

"Help me understand what happened. Start from the beginning." she spoke in a calm voice and wiped the snot off of my face like when I was a toddler.

I had two choices.

I could continue lying, digging that hole until it swallowed me.

Or I could bare it all and finally, finally feel at ease.

The saying 'Old Habits Die Hard' came to mind.

Lying was all I knew.

Lying was all I had.

Lying put me in this situation.

I took a few deep breaths. Oxygen to the brain and all that.

I asked, "Do you remember the Gold List Ceremony from last school year?"

"Ohh, we're really starting from the beginning," she cracked a joke.

"Ignoring that,"

She reached her hand behind her and twisted the door knob. She led me to her bed and sat next to me. We leaned against her headboard.

"Keep going," she squeezed my hand.

"Milo Chloros. He was in the sophomore group and he had to give a speech. The prompt was 'What does your education mean to you?'. I hadn't tuned into the assembly until he started speaking. He said he was grateful to be given this opportunity.

"Grateful? He was grateful to go to school? School was horrible. Wyatt was my only friend. I had no one to talk to in the classes that we didn't share. It's a cliche but I was surrounded by people yet alone. How could he be happy when I was miserable? But he explained.

"To him education was freedom. Opened up doors. Allowed him to be the best Milo he can be. He sounded so mature. I know. How mature can a 16 year old boy be? But I was mesmerized."

This story was sacred to me. The words hadn't dared leave my mouth before today.

I told her that it seemed like he was everywhere I went after that assembly. He started going to Mom's wellness center. He worked at Kalsart. He kept popping up. I tried for months to kill the crush but I couldn't. Distance made the heart grow fonder. I knew from personal experience.

"Am I missing something? Why aren't you boo'ed up yet?" she asked.

"Wyatt's in love with him."

Her jaw dropped.

She picked it up.

It fell again.

"Wyatt? Huh? Guess my gaydar's broken," she thought aloud. "But my question remains unanswered. Why haven't you gone after Milo?"

"I told you!" I banged my head against the headboard. It was like I was talking to a wall. I made it painstakingly clear why I couldn't go after him. Was she listening to me at all?

"Your feelings matter just as much as Wyatt's. You need to tell him."

I wiped away my tears, "I I can't."

"If you don't tell him, I will." she gave me an ultimatum.

(A/N) Thoughts?