The Good Enough Friend (YA)

Chapter 18.1 - October 6, 2019 [✔]

Zeriah's POV

My Sunday started as it usually did. I jogged along the Blaine Oak trail, a skinny trail that connected Lune Park and Cedar Valley.

At 4 am, the bustle of city life ceased to exist. The only time it was quiet enough to hear yourself think. Of course, there were a few cars driving about. People working the night shift I assumed.

One time, I encountered a family of raccoons. Ten deep in a huge tree. A scream was trapped in my throat. I was too afraid of inconveniencing people living in the surrounding apartments to let my body engage in a visceral reaction.

I was a people pleaser to the core. I knew it was wrong but it was how I survived living in a house like mine.

Which was why I liked being at Dawn's house. I preferred to be anywhere but home.

I admit I liked eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I ate a two mile jog's worth of food yesterday. I liked the freedom. However, and I would never say this to her face, it wasn't body positive of me, but I could see why Dawn was pudgy.

All that ranch, snickers, and pizza. So much frozen pizza. Their deep freezer was full of it. Who needed all that food?

But, I couldn't fault her for that. Her parents were on the heavier side and studies show that having one parent being obese increase the chance of the child being obese by 50%. But both parents increased the chances by 80%.

Dawn said she was dealt a bad hand. She called me lucky. Lucky that I could go into malls without worrying if I can fit into anything. Lucky that food wasn't a king that ruled over me.

Luck?

Was I lucky that no one wanted to come to my birthday parties when I was little because there was no cake? Because the catered sugar free stuff tasted like chalk. Could that be considered luck? I worked hard to make people forget about that.

Was I lucky that I had nightmares about Mom meeting Dawn's parents and hating them? Without getting to know them, she would hate them with a single glance. She would never say this but she hated fat people.

I could picture her scolding me in the car. Telling me to explain why I didn't tell them about the wellness center. How she could offer them a discounted plan.

Everything was about health with her.

She linked the subject into every conversation.

It used to be annoying but I've gotten used to it.

I tripped on a pebble.

At this stage in my mental health journey, I learned that I catastrophized when it came to food. Something passed down from Mom. Every meal tipped the scales. Whether it meant skipping dinner or breakfast, I had to keep the balance.

It wasn't a surprise when Dad messaged me that Mom found his ice cream stash. Her presence was all-knowing.

My parents weren't the sit-down-and-talk-about-feelings type. They were the ignore until the anger faded type. The silent treatment type. The that never happened type.

They were too old not to know how to resolve their conflicts. Being a grown up, meant you had all the pieces, and the tools to put them together. My eighteenth birthday loomed overhead. If this was how my parents acted in their forties, what kind of adult would I become?

I pressed the stop button on my watch. 19:34.

I used the back of my hand to wipe cold sweat off of my face. The October frost didn't hold back. It transformed into a blade and sliced into my nose and ears.

Despite being in possession of what some might call a state-of-the-art gym room, I preferred the basics. Me and the outdoors. The hard ground under my feet. It was how I connected to the Earth. How I knew I was a part of something bigger than myself. Bigger than this little life I lived.

I ended my jog back where I started.

Home.

I crept into the dead house light on my feet. I headed towards the bathroom. A steamy shower awaited me.

My relaxation time would soon come to an end. Once everyone woke up, I decided, we needed to have a family meeting. I had a binder chock full of talking points, and quotes from my self help books to back me up.

This was the start of healing.