Lilliana

37- Explanations

"So what has happened since the last time I saw you" Dr. Shuddered questioned.

He was sitting with one leg over the other and his notepad in his lap.

Lilliana sighed. She wanted to tell him that she didn't know if her father was a psychopath or not and that he had someone kill her mother, however that didn't seem like the information you just want to give out.

"It's going... better than it was last time I think" she cleared her voice, "well in some aspects"

"Let's start with the good, tell me about that" Dr. Shuffard said.

Lilliana always thought his voice sounded so comforting. It made you want to just confess everything.

"I think I've grown a bit more confident or the guys think I have at least" she smiled as the memory of yesterday came to her head.

"I'm glad, would you like to tell me when you were confident" he clicked his pen as he got ready to write.

"Well yesterday I thought something Alexander said was wrong and I corrected him without hesitation which is something I'd never do before" she thought again, "there was also a situation with my father and I actually used my voice this time and didn't back down"

The pen immediately stopped and Dr. Shuffards eyes shot up, "you spoke to your father?"

She slowly nodded her head, "I wanted to ask him some um things, however it just made me relapse"

The older man's eyes shot down to her arms which weren't covered up so you could clearly see them. He saw no indication of new scars so he looked back up to Lilliana questioningly.

She sighed and shook her head, "I didn't relapse like that, I saw the pain it caused to the guys the first time and I never want to put them through that again" her hand went to her arm but before she could even pull at it something was thrown onto the couch cushion beside her.

"Use that" his eyes looked to her then narrowed down at the stress ball.

She nodded, picking it up. She gave it a light squeeze and watched as the material squeezed it's way through the net incasing it.

She smiled at him before giving it another squeeze and continuing. "Well after our talk, I felt a lot of emotions that I didn't want to feel so I made them go away the safest way I could think of"

"I drank, and drank, and drank. I know you probably think I'm a alcoholic now, but I never drink and that was a one time thing" as Dr. Shuffard looked at her for a while, she began to feel the shame of her actions.

"Lilliana, there is no 'good' or 'better' version of self harm"

She nodded not saying a word.

"Sometimes we must feel all of those heavy emotions so that we can move on or learn from them"

She still didn't say a peep.

"How about we think of better ways to contain first then release all those strong and heavy emotions healthily"
Her eyes shot up as she heard the idea.

"There are good ways to do that" she questioned.

The man smiled, "of course Lilliana, maybe you can start off with writing in a journal, it could be your own way of getting it all out, or if you don't want to do all the writing. Record yourself talking and act as if you're on the phone with someone and just release it all"

She smiled and nodded as she bit her lip, "I think those are good ideas"

He turned around and opened a drawer from his desk. He pulled out three journals and held them out to her. "Take your pick"