I Hate You . . . I Think

Confessions and Romeo

“Where? On the roof?”

“No, onto the empire state building. Yes on the fucking roof!”

I look at outside of the window to the ground below. I gulp when I see how far down that is.

“I don’t think . . .”

“Look, either I come in or you come out.” 

By the stubborn look on his face I can tell that he is not going to budge. I sigh and walk over to my closet to grab a jacket and slip it on before inching my way out the window. When I get two feet on the roof I let out a little whimper and grab ahold of Seth’s arm. I jump when he flexes his arm, but still don’t let up on the death grip that I have his arm in.

“Are you scared of heights?” he asks. God I really don’t want him to know but when he tried to pull his arm away from me, I almost have a panic attack. Ugh!

“Well um, if they are open heights. I don’t mind an airplane, but falling off the roof scares the shit out of me,” I whisper. I keep looking at the ground so I don’t realize when he moves his hand up to touch my face. He puts two fingers under my chin and moves my head so that we are looking at each other.

“I won’t let you fall.” I keep looking at him, completely captured by his gaze, but when he moves quickly, I almost scream until I realize that he is laughing at me.

“Seriously! I just told you that I am scared of heights and then you pretend to throw me off a roof! You are such a fucking jerk!” I turn around to go back to my room but he stops me with a hand on my arm.

“Look . . . I’m sorry. I just . . . just couldn’t help it,” he says when he is trying to gasp for air in between laughs. 

“Just say what you wanted to say Seth. It’s cold and I want to go back inside.” I cross my arms over my chest and grumble impatiently.

He calms down enough to sit on the roof. He pats the spot next to him and I eye it wearily. He pats it again and I give up with a huff. I plop down on the spot next to him, bring my knees up to my chest, and wrap my arms around them. We both sit in silence, side by side. The music from my phone seeps through the open window and the soft music somewhat relaxes me.

“Why were you avoiding me all day?” he asks.

What was I supposed to say to that? ‘I’m sorry I was freaked out by last night and now all I want to do is kiss you?’ He would either laugh hysterically at me or be disgusted. So I go with the safest option. I shrug my shoulders and mumble “I donno” under my breath.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see him staring at me with a blank face. I avoid his eyes and trace patterns on the roof tiles with my finger. After a minute of silence, I can feel his hand go to the side of my face. He moves my head so that it is facing him. I know he wants me to look at him, but I keep my eyes down.

“Why were you ignoring me?” 

I don’t say anything and sit completely still. I can feel electricity shooting from his palm to me face. God it feels amazing.

I try to keep my eyes down, but I can’t help myself, this time I look up into his striking green eyes that are staring back at me. I run my eyes over his nose, his hair, his scruffy jaw line, and finally rest on his lips which are directly across from my line of sight.

“Why did you ignore me today?” he prompts me again.

“I donno,” I say a little louder than I did the first time.

“That’s not an answer,” he says in a frustrated voice. That voice breaks me out of whatever weird Seth trance I was just stuck in. I narrow my eyes and move them away from his lips. I pull my head back so that I can think straight without the sparks clouding my thought process.