Six Feet Under

28.

I woke with a sudden jolt. It feels like something is not right. Something has gone wrong. I am usually very calm and poised but today it is different. The sky outside looks extremely sad and it looks like it is about to pour. But what is this unfamiliar feeling of panic. I get up and go to the washroom and brush my teeth and wash my face. I am usually not up this early but I can't hear my dad talking as well. He is very energetic in the mornings.

Suddenly, the door to my room opened and my dad walked in with a disrupted look on his face.

"What is wrong?" The words slip out of my mouth.

"Bri, I need you to sit down." His voice was calm but the look on his face said otherwise.

"No." I shake my heads furiously as tears spill out. What is happening? Mom in standing at the doorframe with her eyes filled with tears.

"Dad, what is happening?" My hands shake. My dad gently grabs me by my shoulders and tells me, "Bri, I need you to relax. Honey, listen to my voice."

"No, tell me what's wrong?" My voice cracks.

He knows I won't listen to him.

"Paige, she...uh..." He choked on his words.

"What happened to Paige?" I was barely audible even to myself. "Answer me, dad." I raise my voice as much as my body allowed me to.

"She's gone." He choked out the words and broke into a fit of sobs.

My world stopped. It tilted from its axis. No, she was right here. She can't be gone.

"She was here. Right here." I sobbed. "Dad, I promise you she is here, right now. Yesterday, she was here." I couldn't breathe.

My mom comes closer to comfort me but I pull away.

"She is alive. I know she is. You are wrong. You all are wrong. She is perfectly okay." I run towards the door and down the staircase.

My parents sprint behind me and grab me.

"Let me go see her." I scream.

"Bri, I am so sorry, but she is gone." My father kept telling me, trying to make me believe but I don't want to believe something that is not true.

"Take me to her please." I begged my parents. "She needs me."

"Bri, the funeral is tomorrow." My mom sobs.

I screamed so loud hoping my world hadn't really collided. That this all is just a nightmare. Paige. Paige. Paige.

We were supposed to graduate together. Paige, come back to me. Please. It is taking my life away from me. Please, just come back.

It is pouring so lightly that it is hard to tell if it is my imagination or not. Everyone has gathered to offer their condolences as if they knew her or cared about her. I look over at Carol and Brad and in my head, I have buried them six feet under. Cal and Daniel stood beside me and Cal looks devastated. He threw up while coming over to the funeral. Twice. Daniel has held me close to him. But it won't help. Nothing can heal this. Ever. My best friend, my sister, my soulmate has gone away. And I want to tell myself it is for the better but I will have a hard time believing it. Brad and Carol give a eulogy and it was all just a lie. I know.

I walk over to her coffin with Cal and Daniel by my side. I look at her face and immediately fall down on to my knees. Cal breaks into tears and Daniel's eyes are wide with shock. My Paige. My beautiful, strong, kind Paige.

I gently grab her hand and bring it over to my lips. I move a little closer to whisper something in her ear.

"Paige," I bite my tongue to stop myself from crying, "You fought so hard. Now rest. You've been through enough. You deserve all the peace in the world." I pause, "And one more thing...I'll always wait for you."

I got up and turned around while Daniel slowly follows behind. Cal stays to say a few words to her. I don't bother looking at her parents but then suddenly someone tapped my shoulder.

It was Carol.

"What do you need?" My tone was rough. But I don't care. She doesn't deserve an ounce of my sympathy.

She puts something in my hand and I saw that it was a letter.

"She wrote this for you. Her last words for you." My breath stuck in my throat. I take a look at it and walked away. I don't trust myself around her. I look at the sky and hope that maybe she is in rest now. Sleep hard, Paige.

After the funeral, Carol came to me again and told me I can come by their house to pick up some of Paige's stuff. It was a difficult decision but I wanted some things of Paige as a memory. So, I went to her house. It felt so brain wrecking to walk into her house. Her parents stayed in the living room. I stood outside her room and took a few deep breaths. I finally opened the door and saw all the things that belonged to her. The air hit me with a rush and I can still smell her. I walk inside and it felt as if she will come out of the bathroom and tell me what new book she read or the taco restaurant that opened up nearby. But I know she won't come.

I look around and saw a book. I opened it and it was annotated. On the front page, it was written Callahan. It belonged to him. I'll return it to him. I opened her closet and smelled her clothes. I took a few t-shirts and a few hoodies. I look around and suddenly felt overwhelmed by my emotions. I sat down on her bed. I look over to her window and the curtains were undrawn. The sunlight hit the spot exactly where I was sitting and I don't know what it was but I broke down. I miss her. I need her. But I know she needed peace and she will be okay.

I know we didn't have forever and it will take me some time to accept it but I will honor her in my memory. I will cherish her throughout my life. It will take me some time but I will someday look at our old photographs and will smile, hopefully there won't be any tears. But I will be okay. For her.