Six Feet Under

4.

After my crying session, I took a nap to feel better even if by only a percent but somehow, I didn't feel anything. Not that I felt worse but I didn't feel any better too. Brianna texted me saying that she will be at my house in 15 minutes so I stayed in my bed trying to muster up the strength to go to the party. I was really excited when I got the invitation but I guess it was only temporary. There was a knock on the door and I got up from my bed and made my way downstairs to greet Brianna but my mom opened the door before me.

I saw Brianna entering inside and my mom was talking to her with such love and admiration. She had this big smile plastered on her face and it made me think that is she really that happy to see Brianna or is she just faking it? If she is genuinely that happy to see her then that means I never bring that amount of happiness in her life and if she is just faking it then it is sort of scary how fake she can be and make it believable.

Brianna saw me and started to make her way upstairs towards me. When she got closer to me, she mumbled so only I could hear it, "Your mom did an Oscar worthy performance" making me choke back on a laugh.

"I'll bring some juice for you girls." My mom said from downstairs and Brianna answered with a thank you. My mom was still watching us from downstairs so Brianna tugged at my arm to get to the room but as Brianna turned around, I made a brief eye contact with my mom. I saw all the adoration vanish away and there was an emotion in her eyes that chilled me to spine. She wasn't smiling anymore and she just had that look that no child would want to be at the receiving end of. Almost like hatred. Or envy. But why would she envy me? I have nothing. But again, even if I did, what mother would envy her own child?

We entered inside the room and Brianna turned around with an open mouth, "What. Was. That?" And like always I just shrugged.

"She is so fake. How can someone be so fake? I hope I am not offending you but whenever she greets me with that smile, I get all chilly. Not in a good way."

"I guess she is going through her own stuff in life." I tried to justify like always.

"No, no. Paige, no matter what we go through, we don't throw our shit into other people's houses. Trust me a person who has his house filled with garbage and doesn't give a flying shit about you is thousand times better than the person who greets you nicely but throws his garbage in your house."

"Okay ma'am. Notes taken." I laughed.

"Good. Now, I have brought this dress for you and I am almost sure that it will fit but that is something to worry about later. Go, take a shower and then I'll do your make-up."

I internally sigh at the mention of shower. But I really need to shower. It's been three days since I had one. Let's do it. I enter inside the bathroom and did the most difficult task. I took a shower. But hey, at least I did it. When I came out of the bathroom in my robe, I saw Brianna reading my 'things to do before I die' list. Although she has read it a million times before and whether she admits it or not, it scares the living crap out of her. Because, the plan was and still is that when I would have done all the tasks from that list, I will kill myself.

There are a lot of things in my to do list. Read 100 books, color my hair, click pictures of myself on the times when I am genuinely happy, kiss a guy under a mistletoe. And there are a lot of other things too. And I have done a lot of tasks already. Get an A on my test, done. Use conditioner before shampoo, done. Make a fake social media account, done. And some more. Brianna always counts how many are left, does some calculations in her head to get an idea of how long I am going to stick around.

"You should add one more." And always add one more when she feels that she is running out of time or I am running out of time.

"What?" I ask like always.